To protect you
by senior-witch
Summary: Sasuke and Madara fight for truth, for trust and for coffee, as Madara explains how he has been protected from various people. Guest appearance of Naruto, Sasunaru. Warning: AU/AR, OC in a supporting role. Happier version of the events around chapters 400
1. Chapter 1: to protect you

**Disclaimer:** Naruto, his friends and the universe they live in don't belong to me but to Masashi Kishimoto. I write this story solely for my own pleasure, and I don't make any money with it.

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**A/N:** The idea to this story came to me after the reading chapter 397, which came to me as a surprise and not necessarily a good one. (I have always been a dyed-in-the-wool Sasuke-fangirl, and adamant when it came to Itachi's character whom I thought evil. It is of course not very pleasant to have to admit that all the Itachi-fangirls have been right after all.)

I tried to make sense of the new revelations (mainly that Itachi tried to protect Sasuke) into what I already knew, and the result is this fanfic... The canon has now caught up with my story, and I watch with interest how some of my guesses were correct and others were not – and I realize that the principal question, how it is possible that Itachi has done all he did _in order to protect Sasuke_, has not yet been answered - most of all, it seems that murdering the clan was not to protect Sasuke. He protected Sasuke in spite of killing the clan in order to protect the village. So, well, here is the result of my speculations before I knew Madara's real story.

(When I planned the story I concentrated on the background, and I finished my planning before the release of chapter 398 - but I did not manage writing and editing and publishing my story before Madara's tale was completed. So now my story is AR, and just offers a happier alternative to what happens in the canon...)

**Thanks **go again to eowyn unquendor who beta-read the story and helped me improve it and who encouraged me to continue it. Thanks go also to all those who read and reviewed it.

**Warnings:** Spoilers for the current canon. (Up to chapter 403, though mainly in the A/N-sections.)

Drug abuse (alcohol, coffeine.) Some talk about sexuality, but nothing graphic.

Language: I am no native speaker, and neither is my beta. With combined forces we aim for the best English we can manage.

Sasunaru: Seems I just cannot avoid it. (Nothing graphic. It was impossible to include anything graphic even if I had wanted for reasons that you will discover.)

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**Chapter One: To protect you...**

Many stories have been told about me, and few of them are true. People have called me a genius, a lunatic, the personification of evil and Hitler reborn, though I have no idea who this guy should be. They were judging me from the stories they have heard and, even worse, from the stories they wanted to believe, always thinking that they in their peaceful villages were safe and good and that evil was only to be found outside.

They shunned me, and so I have grown lonely, never finding anyone who would listen to my story, told in my own words, telling what truly happened and what my true intentions were. They would rather listen to a stranger from a faraway country, born fifty years after the events than to me who had been there when everything happened.

I have longed to tell my story for such a long time now, always searching for new words, but always only in my mind. I have longed for someone to believe me, for someone to understand me and to realize that, though some of my deeds are surely what most people would call evil, I myself am not evil but have always aimed for the benefit of all.

Never did I realize how much longed for someone to listen to me and understand me than when I looked at the young boy I had just saved from certain death. Still sleeping peacefully and recovering from his wounds he moved my heart – people always say that most clan members, particularly the men, closely resemble my brother and myself, but I never see that similarity. I only see the traits of the clan's ancestress...

I had not known that my heart could hurt as it did just from looking at someone, nor had I known that it would suddenly feel all soft when he finally woke up and looked at me, confusedly and full of questions, and still with a look that said clearly: I don't want to hear anything. I won't listen to your words.

I longed so much for him to believe me. I longed for him to trust me, to understand me, to realize that I am not all evil, regardless of what people say. He, the last survivor of the clan, except for myself, and I am old and have lived far too long.

I wanted him to like me, but I did not understand it at that time. Still the first thing I said was that he should take better care of himself – and I truly meant it, not for my sake but for his.

I had lost the habit of liking people, and I soon turned back to my old ways, not expressing what I thought, but rather saying what seemed useful to further my plans, and thus I made my first mistake within the first minutes: Telling him that I had brought him here to tell him something – something about Itachi. Given that he had just killed his brother, and that he had spent years to get stronger and accomplish his revenge I thought that he would be interested in learning more about him, to understand him and learn the truth.

I was wrong of course. Sasuke was just relieved that his brother was dead and he was still alive, though I was not certain about the latter point. He wanted it to be over for good and did not want to investigate whether Itachi was as evil as he had thought, now that he was dead and nothing could be done to reverse this fact, just as his father and mother would never come back to life.

Also he was badly wounded and still utterly exhausted, he was in a place he had never seen, with a stranger he had never met. I tried to introduce myself, which of course was the next mistake, because it came as a shock to him and triggered an Amaterasu that Itachi had transferred to him before dying, and the Amaterasu was the next shock.

To be honest, I wanted him to be shocked and confused, and Itachi's Amaterasu, though it forced me to use space-time-ninjutsu to escape it, came rather handy, because it proved my point: That Itachi had loved his little brother and had done everything to protect him.

I wanted him shocked and confused, wanted him doubting himself and his judgement and what he had thought to be his just cause, I wanted his world and his perception of good and evil, right and wrong, true and false fall apart as it had done during what Itachi and myself called _that_ night.

I thought he would be more open to my words if he doubted what he had considered to be true – and indeed he doubted, the confusion was written in his face, only instead of being open to the truth he just shut down – not wanting to see, not wanting to hear anything.

I pushed a bit further: "You need to know him – this man who risked everything to protect the Shinobi world, the Leaf village and most of all his little brother."

He did not answer but just turned away.

"I see, it's still too much for you", I said. "Rest for a while, I will bring you food and water and some clothes. We will continue our conversation when you feel less exhausted."

He accepted what I offered to him, though he had told me that he wanted to kill me, and that I should leave him alone and never come again. Both did not go well together of course, but he was not thinking clearly at the time. Later I discovered that clear thinking had never been among his talents.

I wanted him to listen to me, and I intended to use all my cunning to make him believe me, and at the same time I pitied him: A big child, confused and lost in a world where he was all alone.

I left him in his room so that he could rest and think and waited for him in the other room. We were staying in some subterranean part of the Uchiha hideout that had survived the devastations of the fight, and I had a lot of fun listening to the Konoha team and Sasuke's own team Hebi and even Kisame – the only living Akatsuki who did not know my true identity – while they were searching for Sasuke and Itachi right above us, not knowing that we were just beneath them under the ground. Finally they gave up and set off to Konoha.

I had also sent Zetsu away to inform Pein and Konan of the outcome of the fight, and to tell them to hurry up and catch the kyuubi's jinchuuriki – which was, as I knew now, a task way beyond their capacity, with all the protection he had.

So it was only myself and Sasuke now. I made myself comfortable in the second room I had secured for us, which happened to be a kitchen. Most of the facilities were still working, and I had even found a generator to provide us with electricity, so that I could watch the video taken by Zetsu a second time.

I had just prepared myself a pot of coffee to drink while watching the video a third time – there was not much else that I could do – when Sasuke entered the room. He unceremoniously poured himself a cup of coffee (without asking or saying thank you) and began to drink it standing upright, watching the video of his victory. He did not move, except for taking another sip of his coffee every now and then, and he did not show any emotion, but he did take the remote control. He listened how Itachi told him about me and my brother, now without the images created by Itachi's genjutsu, and when the story was over and Itachi was shouting "You will become my new light!" he pressed the pause/start-button.

"So you are still telling me that he wanted to protect me? Shall I think that he only put up a show when he threatened to pluck out my eyes? That he faked this outburst of emotion?"

"I am not sure", I answered cautiously. "It might be – or not."

"Why would he have wanted to scare me if his true intention was to protect me?"

"He wanted you to fight him, and he needed to make you angry, and to feel threatened. He needed you to take him seriously, to realize that this would be your final fight, that he would not beat you up and then let you live with your shame as he has done before but that now he would kill you if you lost, or at least take your eyes. Also, if he did not put up this show for you, he might have put it up for me, trying to make me think that he hated you and really wanted to kill you."

As if I had not seen him through for a long time now. As if he had not known that I had seen him through.

"He was not good enough an actor to fake all this", Sasuke replied.

"Oh, you think he was a bad actor? Did he not fake to be a dutiful son and a caring older brother? He managed to deceive you, and the whole clan, didn't he."

"Not completely", Sasuke admitted with clenched teeth. "Also he faked being completely emotionless. How could he suddenly fake an emotional outburst?"

"He faked his love and concern for you. Are these not emotions?"

"Are you not trying to tell me that he did not fake them? And anyway, how could he fake such an outburst if he has never experienced one?"

"He did experience it", I said. "The Mangekyou Sharingan was taking its toll, and he was growing desperate. But this does not mean that he wanted to kill you."

He did not answer to this but pressed the pause/start-button, and the video continued. He stopped it again when it showed Itachi attacking him with his Amaterasu.

"I could barely escape it", Sasuke said. "I had to use some body replacement technique I had learnt from Orochimaru, or I would have been dead. He had already burnt my wing."

"Which was not of much use anyway. Have you ever used your wings to fly?"

"I could cover myself with them."

"And lose them at a rate of one per fight. Don't complain! They were not effective and now that you have lost Orochimaru's mark you could not use them even if you had not lost them., Actually you used them as effectively as possible."

"Itachi did not only attack my wing but also my body. My legs were burning when he stopped the Amaterasu."

"He stopped it however, didn't he?"

"The commentator said so", Sasuke replied, referring to Zetsu whom he did not know. "He stopped it before it reached my head, in order to protect my eyes. They were valuable – not myself. I would have died."

"You would have survived. Badly maimed, but you would have survived."

"Just the kind of protection I am looking for..."

"Also, what makes you think that he did not notice your body replacement technique? You should know better than to believe that you could hide it from a Sharingan user."

"Then why did he kneel down to pluck out my eyes? And why was he surprised when I was back in the hall?"

I shrugged. "He was putting up a show again. For you or for me, who knows. He wanted you to fight him seriously after all."

"It was convincing", Sasuke said.

"It was not easy for him", I continued. "Even if he neither wanted to kill you or to take your eyes, he must have been tempted to do it. The side effects were quite bad by that time."

"He was blind at the end of the fight, wasn't he?" Sasuke asked. "All these powerful jutsus, all those crimes to acquire them, and then you just end up blind."

His voice had changed with his last sentence, for a moment becoming soft and insecure and thoughtful, and again I was reminded of the clan's ancestress. I put the memory away.

"And dead, don't forget it", I said. "As we all do."

"Still you are evading my question: Did he seriously want to pluck out my eyes?"

I shrugged again. "You killed him. If he were still alive, he might be able to tell you."

He turned back to the screen and pressed the pause/start-button. He let the tape run withut interruption until it reached the point when Itachi poked his forehead.

"You see, in the end he did not do it."

"He was already blind. He was on the point of dying. Would my eyes have given him back his sight if he had already lost it? Or kept him alive?"

"Who knows? There has never been a series of controlled experiments to research under which conditions the plucking out of the eyes of one's brother works and under which it does not. What counts is that in the end he did not do it. He rather transferred his eye jutsus to you and accepted his own death."

He did not answer. Abruptly he switched off the video recorder, put down the remote control, then his cup and went to the stove.

"Is there some food left?" he asked and lifted the covers of the pots. When he saw that there was some, he filled himself a plate and left to his own room.


	2. Chapter 2: from Madara

**Disclaimer:** Naruto, his friends and the universe they live in don't belong to me but to Masashi Kishimoto. I write this story solely for my own pleasure and don't make any money with it.

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**Warning: **The story contains spoilers up to chapter 398.

I thought of abandoning the story after the recent revelations, which I am very happy about. Some reviews, and some encouragement from my beta, eowyn unquendor made me however continue it. Also I had already invested some time and work into it, so that I did not want to abandon it... It is now almost finished, and I hope that I can type it out and upload it rather quickly.

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To be honest, I had no idea at that time whether Itachi had really wanted to pluck out his brother's eyes. Now, after all the discussions I have had with Sasuke, I think that I know the answer, but I did not when we were watching the video.

To be honest, at that time I did not care to know the truth, and even less did I care that Sasuke should know it. I wanted him to join me with my plans, that was all.

In the morning I went outside to get some fresh air, and when I returned I found Sasuke in the kitchen, washing out his eye one time after the other. I stood still, moved by the sight, in a way that I would never have held possible. He dried his eye, looked for a shiny surface he might use as a mirror, yet found none but the metal of the kitchen sink. He bent down, pushed up his lid with his fingers, looked into his eye, and then, obviously not content with what he saw, he washed his eye again.

I withdrew. He did not need to know that I had been watching him. When I heard that he had left the kitchen I went in to prepare breakfast, and Sasuke joined me when everything was ready, but though I had set a plate for him he would not sit down with me; he just grabbed his coffee mug, poured himself some coffee and drank it standing.

I did not say anything – he would get himself some food when he was hungry. (I did not have the impression that he was going to starve himself to death in protest against his imprisonment – and anyway, I regarded him rather as my guest than my prisoner.)

I waited for him to start the conversation, and I did not have to wait for long.

"Why did you tell me that Itachi was trying to protect me?" he asked.

"Isn't it obvious?" I asked back.

I watched in amusement how his expression changed from coolness and emotionlessness to confusion. After a few minutes of thinking he admitted that he had no idea.

"I had to find an explanation for the Amaterasu that fired when you saw my Sharingan."

"And was it the correct explanation?"

"It's as correct as it makes sense. There is, however, another explanation that also makes sense."

"Which one?"

"His hatred for me. Giving you his Amaterasu was his last chance to finish me off."

"And why did he hate you? Weren't you his accomplice in that night?"

"I was."

"And also later, in Akatsuki?"

"That's a bit more complicated. When he joined he did not know that it was my organization. I was still pretending to be some idiot dreaming of a criminal career. He did not know that I had Zetsu contact him when he had just left the Leaf village and did not know what to do. Later he discovered me and found out my true identity."

"He served you well, didn't he."

"Mostly. Sometimes I thought that he was a bit on the lazy side when it came to capturing the kyuubi's jinchuuriki, failing every single time, always with a new rather weak excuse. On the other hand I had to admit that the boy was well protected."

Sasuke spilled some coffee. I thought that it was a mere coincidence and offered him some piece of cloth to clean the table. He pretended not to see it, so that I had to do it myself.

"I met him and Kisame four years ago", he said, in a completely different tone: no longer fighting, but thoughtful. "They were trying to catch him, but, as you said, he was too well protected."

I waited for the obvious question: Why we wanted the jinchuuriki or rather the kyuubi itself in our power. He did not ask it.

"Maybe he wanted the kyuubi for himself", he mused instead. "But he was not strong enough yet."

"His eyesight was deteriorating quickly", I objected. "Waiting did not improve his chances."

"That's why he attacked me before he ventured to fight the jinchuuriki again." He seemed strangely pleased with this idea. "First make the Mangekyou Sharingan permanent, then gain power over the kyuubi."

"This does not explain why he transferred his Mangekyou Sharingan to you."

"As you said: He wanted to finish you off."

He poured himself another mug of coffee and finally sat down, though not where I had set the table for him. He leant back and stretched.

"You still have no explanation for this last point", I reminded him. "Why do you think it was so important to him to kill me?"

"He's always been ambitious", he explained. "He has always wanted to be the strongest ninja of the world, and most of all the strongest Uchiha, so you were in his way. He had to prove that he was stronger than you. When the student surpasses his master, he is ready for the next step. Just as I surpassed and defeated Orochimaru."

"Did you kill him?"

"No. I captured him in the internal dimension he used for his soul migration ritual. I am not Itachi. I only kill those who deserve it."

Again I wondered. He, in the meantime, attempted to pour himself a third mug of coffee, but there was only enough left to fill it to a quarter of its height. He shook the coffee pot and managed to get a few more drops out of it. Sometimes he was really weird.

"You think you are very clever, don't you", I said, not knowing whether I meant the coffee or the way he had got to his conclusions.

"I would not call myself particularly clever", he answered. "But I am not stupid either. Why?"

"Thinking that you know everything and don't have to listen to what I have to tell you."

"Why should I listen to you? You are my enemy, aren't you?"

His words hurt me, but I tried not to show it.

"You did listen to Itachi", I replied, and managed to hurt him in return. He focussed on the coffee pot.

"I told you already, I am no longer your foe", I said in a gentler tone than before. "I wish you well."

He did not answer but tried again to get some coffee out of the pot. "It's empty", he declared at last.

I took the pot, opened the lid and looked inside. "That's true", I said. I was a bit annoyed because I would have liked another cup, and he had had almost three. He looked at me as if he expected me to make more coffee, but I returned his glare. Maybe I should offer to explain to him how to use the coffee machine, I thought.

Abruptly he stood up and left to his room. I cleared up, prepared a new pot of coffee that I intended to drink all by myself, and went outside to enjoy the sun and to relax from the strain that talking to him had put on me.

I was not making much progress, I realized. He still distrusted me, he still did not show any interest in what I had to tell him, but rather made up his own theories, short-circuited as they were. And I needed him to listen to me if I wanted him to join me in my plans – to listen to me and to believe me. I wondered how Itachi had made him do whatever he wanted.

Yet Itachi's ways were not mine. I would not hurt him, nor endanger his life, and also – Sasuke had loved his brother before he hated him. He had adored him and strived to become like him, and some of this had survived the massacre of the clan. Itachi had been able to use this love to manipulate Sasuke, but this option was not open to me.

I could only reveal more of the truth, I thought, of a truth that would make me appear in a favourable light. I cursed Itachi for telling Sasuke about me, about my Mangekyou Sharingan, about my brother, about me helping Itachi in _that_ night – this was worse than the Amaterasu that he had implanted into his brother's eye. I wished that Sasuke had not believed him – I wished that I could have gained his trust just by caring for him.

Also I had to do something about Akatsuki. The Leaf had done a great job of helping me to get rid of them, finishing off Sasori, Hidan and Kakuzu, and Sasuke had killed Deidara and Itachi. Kisame had not been killed but had surrendered after his partner's death, which was a bit inconvenient, but as he knew neither my true identity nor the location of the statue we had used to store the bijuus' chakra, it did not really matter. Zetsu was irrelevant, only Pein and Konan were dangerous. Pein particularly. If he neither managed to capture the kyuubi's jinchuuriki, nor got killed by him, he might grow desperate and use the bijuus we already had collected for his atomic bomb jutsu.

Only that I did not really want him to capture the jinchuuriki. I hoped that Zetsu would return soon, with the news that the Konoha team had defeated Konan and Pein.

Maybe I would have to do something to ensure the victory of the Konoha team, I thought, just as I had made sure Sasuke would win against Itachi.

I heard him in the kitchen. So he is hungry after all, I thought. I stretched, thinking that I would leave him undisturbed and give him a chance to breakfast without my annoying presence. To my surprise however he joined me outside, bringing his food and his coffee mug with him. He sat down next to me, having his breakfast, and again it was him who began to talk:

"It still does not make sense", he said.

"What?"

"That Itachi wanted to protect me from you. I mean, you saved my life and tended to my wounds. I'd be worse off without you."

You would have to learn to use the coffee machine I thought irritatedly as he poured himself another cup.

"Why did you save my life?"

"Because I care for you", I answered, and at that moment, sitting outside in the sun, relaxing and relieved that he was finally sitting next to me, in a fairly relaxed mood, it was the truth.

"You care for me? Why that? You don't seem the kind of person who runs around caring for other people."

"Well, first, you are the last survivor of my clan, except for myself. I want you to live and revive it."

"It's not as if you had nothing to do with the fact that there is no one left except you and me..."

"That's true", I answered, though he had indeed spotted the weak point in my argument. "But it's more complicated than you think. And I honestly want you to refound it and return it to its old glory."

"You could refound it yourself. Then you would have what you want: A revived clan according to your very own wishes. Is this not what you want?"

"It doesn't work like this with children", I replied. "They rarely turn out according to one's own wishes. Besides, I would need to marry for this, and I am too old to find a young woman who would have me."

"I don't think so. You are a powerful shinobi, aren't you? Most women throw themselves at the most powerful shinobi they can find."

I wondered where he had learnt this wisdom. Also I wondered about the turn our conversation had taken.

"I would not be able to love a woman who acts like this", I answered him. "Actually I don't think that I will fall in love with any woman. I loved once, and was loved, by a woman who had no equal among all the women of the world, and I won't give my heart to any other who is far beneath her."

"You might marry without loving", he said, clearly unimpressed by my speech. "A lot of people do."

"You don't know what you are talking about!" My words sounded sharper than I had intended them. "You are too young and have not yet learnt what it means to love!"

He looked at me, rather astonished that I had got that emotional, then he turned his face back to the sun, closing his eyes, enjoying the warmth.

"You still haven't told me why Itachi wanted to protect me from you when your true intention was to save me and make sure that I survive to refound the clan."

"There are worse things than death."

"As being blind, for example."

His answer surprised me, and it took me a while before I had worked out what he might mean.

"I don't need your eyes", I said.

"I know. You have already made your Mangekyou Sharingan permanent."

I did not know what to answer to this, and there was a break in our conversation, but then he took it up again.

"It doesn't make sense", he said. "Nothing makes sense. You helped Itachi kill the clan, and now you want me to revive it. Itachi gave me his Amaterasu to protect me against you when in truth you were going to save me."

"You are making progress", I said. "You are beginning to think."

"Well, maybe. But it doesn't really matter." Suddenly his voice had again that weird, satisfied tone. "You helped Itachi kill the clan, so I will kill you."

"Ah, will you?" I asked back. I tried to sound amused, and to hide my disappointment: So it was back to field one. "But if you will accept some advice from me", I continued, "then you wait until you have fully recovered, or I will crush you between two fingers. Actually I believe that I will crush you between two fingers anyway, if you don't wait until you are much stronger than you are now. You may have some coffee in the meantime."

He held his cup to me so that I could pour him some. So he seemed to accept both coffee and advice.

"Did you really help him kill the clan?" he asked suddenly.

I hesitated for a minute. I might have lied, and he might have believed me at that moment, but I have never been good at lying. I have learnt to tell half-truths, to bend the truth, to distract from the most important points and manipulate people by telling what they want to hear – but I have never been good at answering a direct question with a plain lie.

And so I answered: "I did."


	3. Chapter 3: from the clan

**Disclaimer:** Naruto, his friends and the universe they live in don't belong to me but to Masashi Kishimoto. I don't earn any money with this story but write it solely for my pleasure.

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**A/N:** my story is now definitely AU/AR. I will still continue it - thanks for all the reviews for chapter two that encouraged me to go on! The story will also take up some speed, with less new questions and more revelations...

I hope that you still like "my" Madara. I created him knowing only what we had seen of Tobi so far. Inventing a backstory for him was probably a bit risky, and seems a bit out of character with the backstory we get in the manga now... But what I seem to have got right: The original Madara as well seems to be a rather whiny person, always complaining that no one understands and loves him... ;-)

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**Chapter Three: ... From the Clan**

"It's true", I continued. "I did help Itachi that night. But – don't judge prematurely – it's more complicated than you think. I would never have helped Itachi if I had known how it would all end."

"You kill them all, and in the end they are all dead. Where's the surprise?"

"We did not mean to... We did not plan to kill the whole clan. It just happened."

"You are not trying to tell me that you killed every single person of the clan: men, women, children, old people, only by accident?"

"Not by accident. Things went wrong and got out of hand. We had learnt of a secret meeting of some of the Uchiha leaders and thought we might kill them in one go without any witnesses, as it was a secret meeting and no one else was allowed to attend it. But suddenly there were witnesses; Itachi panicked and killed them as well, but only after they had called for help, so that he had to kill everyone else who turned up."

"And you?"

"I fled. I can use space-time-ninjutsu."

He poured himself some more coffee.

"You are a real coward", he said. "With Deidara as well: You fled and let him do all the fighting, until he killed himself with that suicide jutsu of his."

"I never approved of this fight. He wanted to kill himself."

"He wanted to kill me."

"Because you killed Orochimaru whom he would have preferred to kill himself. Has there ever been a more stupid reason for trying to kill someone?"

"I can think of a lot of stupid reasons to kill people", he said.

"So can I", I replied.

This round had ended with a draw, and after some minutes of thinking he asked his next question:

"So you are trying to tell me that you fled when you had killed whom you wanted to kill while Itachi went on and murdered the whole clan."

"Yes. Because he could not afford any witnesses."

"Then why did he let me stay alive?"

"You were not exactly a witness. He had to tell you that it had been him who had killed the whole clan. He did not even think that anyone would believe you."

He looked up at me. "Do you enjoy this game?"

"Which game? Oh, yes, actually I do. I want you to think for yourself."

He did not answer but stood up and went inside. I wondered whether I should hurry up – tell him in plain words what had happened, and why, and what I wanted him to do. Maybe this was the fastest way to get an answer from him – maybe it was the fastest way to get a clear decisive no. I had to stick to my original plan: Slowly make him doubt and think and trust me. At least I no longer had to worry about making him listen to me: He was now coming of his own accord and asking me questions. Now, for example, he returned with a plate full of food and already the next question on his mind:

"Did you really kill your best friend and your brother?"

The sudden change of subject caught me off guard, and again I could do nothing but tell him the truth: "I killed my best friend. I did not kill my brother."

"But you plucked out his eyes to get a permanent Mangekyou Sharingan."

"I did."

"With your finger?"

Sometimes his questions were really weird.

"Of course not! How should this be possible? You need a skilled surgeon to transplant someone's eyes into someone else. Anyway, where should they have been implanted?"

"Into the sockets of your original eyes, after removing them."

I shook my head. "It works differently. You do it in the world of Tsukuyomi. If the victim falls into it, believing that its eyes have been plucked out, the brain will cut them off from the blood circulation so that after some seconds one is blind for real. Also the implanting takes place in that world: The eyes get implanted into the head that represents you there, and mine has four eyes."

"And your real head has only one", he stated in that weird satisfied tone he assumed when he thought he had got the better of me. "Which of your jutsus did you overuse? Tsukuyomi or Amaterasu?"

"Neither. It was a cataract. A rather common illness among older people."

"So was it worth taking your brother's eyes? Now you are half blind anyway."

"It gained me several decades with a permanent Mangekyou Sharingan."

"Was it worth it?" he asked again. "The suffering you caused him? Turning his love into hatred?"

"Well, I must admit that after I had plucked out his eyes our relationship was not quite what it had been before. But he snatched my lover away from me."

"And this was why you blinded him?"

"You misunderstand me. He did it after the event."

"Even though he was blind?"

"Even though he was blind and I was one of the strongest shinobi of my time. She would not let me near her when she had learnt what had happened, instead she tended to my brother, cared for his wounds, helped him while he was learning to live without his sight, and after a while she fell in love with him and married him. Only when he died some ten years later from some infection that had entered his brain through his dead eyes, she would suffer me in her presence again, she even allowed me to help her look after her children, but she would not let me touch her."

"Serves you right", he said, rather amused about what had been the greatest pain of my life. And, even worse, I had to admit that he was right.

"She was too pure and too good to go on living with a man who had blinded and eventually killed his own brother."

"And she did not mind that you had killed your best friend?"

"She did not know."

"You are the weirdest person I have ever met", he said, shaking his head. He thought for a while before he asked his next question: "Did it go on in our clan? The plucking out of each other's eyes, and the killing of one's best friends?"

"Itachi told you about it, didn't he? I saw it on the video."

"Indeed."

"It did not go on – not as he made it look like, as if all Uchihas were plucking out their younger brothers' eyes and killing their best friends – not as if you were doomed to be your brother's murderer or be murdered by him from the moment of your birth. Think back: You had uncles, and cousins, and your father had cousins and second cousins and third cousins."

"Yes, indeed."

"And most of them were not blind."

"None actually, except for one of my granduncles who was rather old."

I asked for the man's name, and it was as I had suspected: He had been the one of his generation who had agreed to obtain the Mangekyou Sharingan.

"And there were no unaccounted deaths among the Uchihas as long as you can remember."

"Only Shisui, and his death was not really unaccounted for."

"So you can answer your question yourself: It was not a generally accepted custom among the Uchihas to kill their best friends and their brothers."

"So Itachi was lying when he said that he would take out my eyes and free himself from our wretched clan's destiny?"

"What should this destiny have been?" I asked back, thinking that their real destiny had been to be murdered by Itachi.

"Having to kill each other to achieve the summit of their powers."

"You don't free yourself from such a curse by doing exactly what it demands – that's ridiculous. Think for yourself, and trust your own senses, not Itachi's words!"

"Or yours."

"Indeed. Trust your own reason and your own senses more than my words."

He had finished his breakfast, so finally he stood up and went into the fortress, taking his plate into the kitchen. A few minutes later he returned, passing me without talking to me or even looking at me, not to mention that he would tell me where he went. I told myself to trust him to come back – to trust him to ask more questions, as there were still a lot of things he did not understand. I was useful to him – and I still had a chance to make him follow my plans. Yet despite all my deliberations I went into his room and was relieved to find his sword and all his other stuff still there.

I went for a walk myself, and on my return I found him sitting outside and sewing. He had found scissors and needle and thread and some red and white fabric and was applicating the clan's crest to the clothes I had given him. He was quite good at it, for a guy: The stitches were neat and regular, and the fabric of the crest lay flatly without any crinkles on that of the shirt.

I watched him for a while before he noticed me and looked up.

"Wear it with pride", I told him on a sudden impulse. "They are worth it. There might have been some who were evil, as I myself, who killed his brother and his best friend, but most of them were righteous, law-abiding citizens who as policemen saw that others kept to the law as well."

He looked down again on his work, and I wondered whether it was really just in order to continue his sewing.

"Where did you learn to sew so well?" I asked in a more casual tone.

"There were enough women at Orochimaru's place, and some were quite good at it", he answered. "I used my Sharingan on them."

"You may use your Sharingan on me while I am making coffee", I said. I had just not been able to resist.

"I am not stupid", he answered. "I know how to make coffee. There was always coffee at Orochimaru's place."

For a second I considered asking him to prove it to me, but I did not, as he was still busy sewing. I made some myself and took it outside, together with two coffee mugs.

He in the meantime had thought of more questions to ask me:

"You say that you did not set out to kill the whole clan", he began. "But you did intend to kill some of its members."

"Yes, certainly", I answered. "And I am not ashamed of it."

"So whom did you want to kill in the first place, and why?"

I told him the names – names of some of the clan leaders. His father was not among them; understandably he was glad about it.

"What was wrong with them?" he asked.

"We had the suspicion that they were going to do something to you."

"To me?"

"Have you never wondered why Itachi spared you?"

"I have often wondered and came up with one answer after the other, but none of them made sense. Now I think that it was simply because Itachi wanted to take my eyes, but this does not make sense either, because I don't have the Mangekyou Sharingan."

"Maybe he had grown desperate so that he thought: Rather your normal Sharingan eyes than none at all. Though I am still not sure whether he really intended to take them. After all, his motivation has always been to protect you: That's why he spared you in the end. The whole massacre would have been pointless if he had killed you as well."

"You went to rather extreme measures to protect me, don't you think?" Sasuke continued his questioning. "Why did you, or Itachi, not warn my parents? They would have protected me?"

"He feared that they were involved in whatever they were planning to do to you. Maybe he had even tried to talk to them, and nothing had come out of it. Don't protest – I do think that they loved you, both of them, but they were loyal to clan and village, and with too much pressure put on them to give you over they would eventually have given in."

He had stopped working – he just sat there, his arms folded in front of his chest.

"I don't know whether this is true", I hurried to say. "It's just what Itachi thought. Maybe it was all a fantasy of his."

"And you? What did you think?"

"I did not ask about your parents. I asked about the clan leaders Itachi initially wanted to kill. I knew them, and I thought them capable of doing something to you to save the clan's honour and reputation. They were the kind of people who would do anything for their honour – always busy with their righteousness and the facade, no matter what was beneath the surface. Always busy covering things up – even minor sins, as having sex without being married. Everyone does it, and when the girl gets pregnant the young couple will have to marry. Not among the Uchihas however, they would rather put the young woman under pressure to kill her newborn child, and if a man of the clan got a girl pregnant, they would make him abandon her and marry a woman with a flawless reputation, not the one he loved but who was very obviously not a virgin any more.

"What do you say?" Sasuke asked, genuinely shocked. "They made women kill their babies?"

"They used to. On one of these occasions the truth got out, so afterwards they would rather suggest to the girl that it would be better if she committed suicide."

"Did you not just tell me that they were an honourable clan?"

"They did it for their honour. But don't worry: The killing of best friends and brothers was not regular custom. It's easy to hide the pregnancy of a young woman who does not get out much, and the death of a child no one knew that it ever existed – it's difficult to cover up the disappearance of a grown-up man."

"They might have managed", he mused.

"They did not", I tried to reassure him. "No one is eager to pay the price for the Mangekyou Sharingan – no one wants to become blind. Even I discovered it rather by accident. - However, both Itachi and I feared that these men who were always busy with the honour of the clan were going to do something to you that was easier to cover up than murder, and still terrible."

"As blinding me."

"Maybe."

"And this is the reason why Itachi and you went out to kill them – and in consequence the whole clan – all on mere rumours and suspicion and a rather irrational dislike against them."

"My dislike was not irrational", I protested. "And it was not only suspicion and rumours."


	4. Chapter 4: from Danzou

**Disclaimer:** Naruto, his friends and the universe they live in don't belong to me but to Masashi Kishimoto. I don't make money with this story but write it solely for my own pleasure.

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**A/N:** Well, that happens when I update update late in the evening - I edit the document and forget to save the changes... Now you have the story as it should be.

It's departing further and further from the canon; still I will continue it as it is already finished in its first draft... There will be more revelations now, and from chapter five there will be more answers than questions.

Thanks for your reviews!

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**Chapter Four: ...from Danzou**

"What do you mean – not only suspicions and rumours?"

"Itachi knew that something had been done to you when you were a few months old. He had been only seven years old then himself, and no one cared to explain anything to him, but he had noticed that you had been taken away and that when you returned you were different: Quieter, less interested in moving objects and the people around you, less agile – as if you had taken a step backwards in your development. He tried to ask your parents about it, but their answers were rather evasive, so he drew the conclusion that something terrible had been done to you, so terrible that it had to remain a secret. He developed wild fantasies about what it had been."

"And our parents? They had allowed it to happen? Why did they not protect me?"

"They had no choice. They would have preferred to avoid it, but the safety of the village had priority."

Sasuke had a talent for avoiding the important questions, I realized.

"And thus Itachi was always suspicious against those men who had done something to you that he did not understand, and he thought them capable of doing other, even worse things. And he did not trust your parents to prevent it."

"Still it was only a suspicion", Sasuke said. "Not enough to kill someone."

"Also, Itachi got hints from Danzou."

"Who is that?"

"The leader of Root, a division of ANBU. A secret division of ANBU, answerable not to the Hokage, but to said Danzou. Worse than regular ANBU, which is dangerous enough as it is – never liable to the law, but only to the Hokage, with the permission to kill anyone whom the Hokage thinks necessary – or desirable – to kill, without any trial – just on suspicion. Exactly what you don't seem to approve of."

"Of course I don't. Joining ANBU was never my ambition. My ambition has always been to become so good that they would ask me on their knees to join, and I would always have answered: 'No, I will rather rebuild the military police.'"

"And still you wanted to kill Itachi without a proper trial, on mere suspicion."

"Not on suspicion!" I had managed to make him angry. "He himself had told me that he had killed the clan."

"He might have lied."

"Why should he have lied?"

"He might have tried to cover up for someone."

"For you, you mean?"

"Among others."

He brooded for a while, then he went on questioning me. "So what do you know? Or think? Did he kill the clan or not?"

"I told you already: I helped him kill the clan leaders who, as we feared, planned to do something to you – but it was him alone who went on with the killing when he got discovered."

He raised his brows in disapproval.

"You have already told me this", he said.

He had finished his work: On the back of the two shirts I had given to him shone in bright red and white the crest of the clan, not as round as it should have been, but otherwise very well-made... I complimented him again on the beautiful work, then we went inside to prepare lunch. To my surprise he helped me, but I refrained from commenting on it.

When we sat down to eat it was me who started the conversation.

"After I had fought the Hokage and left the village there was a deal with my nephews that the Uchiha would not be admitted to ANBU, nor to the position of Hokage. As some kind of compensation they got the military police, and the chairmanship of the council. The Uchiha did not mind it; they found it a fair compromise, but Itachi, as some clan members before him, was not content with it. He, who had been called a genius even at the age of seven was always bothered with this rule, as for him the ANBU seemed to be the elite ninja, and he craved for the acknowledgement that went with being admitted to ANBU. The clan supported his ambition because for them it would have meant that finally they would be able to learn about the ongoings in ANBU. They thought that Itachi's loyalty to the clan would be greater than his loyalty to ANBU."

"Why was the clan excluded from ANBU and the position of Hokage?" Sasuke asked.

Again I wondered about his talent to ask questions that led away from the real problems.

"People distrusted the clan after I had left the village and fought the Hokage – in a fight for life and death, and everybody thought that I had been killed. People thought that the clan had been on my side, which was not the case, and there were voices that called for their exclusion from Konoha. They had to make concessions to be allowed to stay, and the price was to be excluded from the position of Hokage and ANBU. The reasoning behind this is that ANBU is more or less a lawless organization, and that the Hokage has power over this organization. No one wanted any Uchiha in a position where they are uncontrollable, as they are far too powerful and their loyalty to the clan has always been greater than that to the village. As the military police they had to keep to the law, and they were answerable to the Hokage and the people of Konoha in everything they did."

"That's not bad, is it?" Sasuke said. "I would have been proud to see that the law is kept. I would not have minded to be responsible to the village."

"Still you left for your revenge."

"Nobody else would see that the law is kept – see that murder is punished."

He got himself a second helping – to be exact, he emptied bowl and pot while I was still busy with my first portion. He did not ask whether I wanted more.

"Go ahead, you are still growing", I said.

"I am not", he replied. "I stopped growing a year ago."

"I mean, you are still in the process of building up your muscles."

"I am not a weakling, am I?"

"Your bone structure is still changing – your shoulders are still getting broader."

"I don't think so."

"You are hungry and I am not", I said, rather annoyed. "Go ahead!"

Irritated he filled his plate.

"It was all in the generation of my nephews", I continued my story. "They did not like me, which always made me sad because we had been quite close when they were small. After all I had helped their mother raise them. But when they grew up and learnt what I had done to their father they withdrew from me, and after some time I ceased to regret it, for they had turned out all boring, always keeping to the letter of the law. There was no fun in their lives, no ambition, never anything new. It was all about loyalty to the clan and keeping up appearances, so that no one could ever again blame the clan of causing any damage to Konoha."

"I can't blame them for withdrawing from you", Sasuke said.

"Well, probably not... At least they allowed me to care for their children, my great-nieces and great-nephews."

It was the story as I had always told it, not only to others but also to myself. It fitted into the image I had of the clan and myself: They were boring and law-abiding, giving far too much thought to honour and respectability – I was strong, ambitious, charismatic and passionate.

"They betrayed their mother", it suddenly broke out of me. "They would have allowed her to be killed! They would have allowed her to be sacrificed! In the end, I was the only one to defend her."

"Why should she have been sacrificed?" Sasuke asked.

"For the sake of the village – it was always for the sake of the village. In the end even she herself had agreed to die: The pressure had been too great. The will of fire they called it: Always be ready to sacrifice yourself for your country, to die in order to protect your friends. They did not see that they were sacrificing the most beautiful, the wisest, the kindest and most warm-hearted woman who had ever lived. Only I who loved her and could not live without her was ready to defend her with my life."

"You have lived without her for quite some time", Sasuke observed dryly.

"Maybe – but what kind of life has it been?"

I was upset – I could not go on talking – I left the room.

When I returned, Sasuke had cleared up, and he had made coffee. He poured me some, and I added some milk: The colour of the coffee changed from black to a dark brown. I poured some more milk, so much that it flowed over the top of the mug, but it did not help much.

"If you put your spoon into it, it will stand straight", I said.

I did so, and of course the spoon did not stand but fell to the side of the mug. The coffee was strong, but still liquid.

"There are little symbols on the side of the pot", I explained, "and on the side of the coffee machine. A big cup and a small cup – and numbers. They show you how much coffee you need."

"I know this", Sasuke said. "I always drank coffee at Orochimaru's place. I like it strong."

I took a few sips and poured more milk into my coffee. Finally its colour became a decent light brown. He also took a few sips, then he stood up to get some sugar, which he had never done before.

"Anyway, thanks for the coffee", I said when he returned. I felt that he deserved it.

He blushed and lowered his eyes – I had managed to embarrass him. "You're welcome", he muttered, barely audibly.

"They would have sacrificed you too", I continued my story. "But then Itachi volunteered to sacrifice himself in your stead."

"How's that?" Sasuke asked.

"He decided to kill the men he suspected to be doing something to you. Also he volunteered to acquire the Mangekyou Sharingan."

"He sacrificed himself by volunteering to acquire the Mangekyou Sharingan", Sasuke repeated. "You're kidding, aren't you?"

"I am not. He told you about the price you have to pay for it, didn't he?"

"Blindness, yes."

"And having to kill one's best friend, don't forget it."

"It's still ridiculous. He could have refused. I would have refused. He did not have to acquire it."

"In a way he did", I replied. "Though maybe it was all my fault. For a whole generation there had been no one with a Mangekyou Sharingan, and you younger people did not even know that it existed, and even less you knew how to acquire it. Danzou did not know about it either - it had always been a secret of the Uchiha clan. It was only me who told Itachi about it, and Danzou learnt it from him."

"Why did you tell Itachi? Did you want him to kill his best friend?"

"I was careless. I liked him when I first met him, because he was strong, open-minded and fed up with the clan's way of keeping to rules as if they were everything. He hated rules: Those he thought unjust, as the one that prevented him from entering ANBU as he deserved it, considering his skill, and finally showing his valour – and those that seemed arbitrary to him, made up for no other purpose than to limit his growth, for no other reason than the jealousy of those who were less gifted than he was. He thought that ANBU was the perfect place for him: no rules, no laws, no limitations – the permission to use any means he thought necessary to achieve his aims.

"I liked his ambition and his free spirit, so I got careless and told him about myself: How I had been a great fighter when I was young, how I had killed my best friend and gained the Mangekyou Sharingan, how I had plucked out my brother's eyes and stopped the descent into darkness. It was not my intention that he should acquire the Mangekyou Sharingan – my story had rather been meant as a warning."

Not really, as I recalled. I had just told it without much thinking and without caring what effect it might have on Itachi.

"Only too late I realized that I had misunderstood his character: He was not free and independent, as I had thought him to be, he did not long to be strong and his own master, bound only by the rules he had made up himself: He was just hungry for recognition from the village, no less than the rest of the clan, only that he was not content with the role of the perpetually repenting sinner but wanted to be treated as any other shinobi of the Leaf: According to his skills, not to his background. He would do everything they wanted, even without them having to ask for it, and so, when he had learnt about the Mangekyou Sharingan, he went to them immediately and told them about it, even though traditionally it had been a secret of the Uchiha clan. He would have done anything, and in the end his will to betray himself and the clan was rewarded: they accepted him for ANBU, forgetting that the rule that prevented the Uchiha from entering it had been introduced because they were too strong. Yet they demanded a price: First they required him to kill his best friend Shisui to obtain the Mangekyou Sharingan..."

"I remember how they came to question him about the death of Shisui", Sasuke interrupted me. "They wanted to arrest him, but could not, as he was ANBU and only responsible to the Hokage."

"Well, that's what being ANBU is all about. Have you ever realized what the abbreviation stands for? It's the Assassination Unit, which is a euphemism for murder unit, with the permission to kill whenever the Hokage thinks it necessary, or at least useful."

"You killed too", Sasuke reminded me.

"That was different", I answered. "I killed in passion, and in despair. And in battle, in a fair fight, man against man. I was not killing in a cold calculating way as Itachi did: ‛If I kill my best friend, I will obtain the Mangekyou Sharingan and be accepted into ANBU' - as all members of ANBU do. I have not even killed in that cold, impassive way when I gained my Mangekyou Sharingan – I killed my best friend by accident, confusing him with someone else, and then I discovered that I had gained some new powers. And with my brother – I did not even kill him. I just plucked out his eyes."

"You are absolutely crazy", Sasuke said.

"And still you listen to me."

"Out of boredom, that's all. Now continue your story."

"The murder of Shisui made Itachi dependent of the Hokage's goodwill. - Don't ever enter ANBU, Sasuke, because once you have killed on order, you will never be free again. The one who ordered you can always withdraw his protection – if you refuse to obey another, even worse order, or just on a whim – and then you are dead. If you kill, then only because it's your own choice, and then take all responsibility for it upon yourself and be ready to bear the consequences."

"I don't plan to kill anyone, now that Itachi is dead, except you of course, for killing the clan, as soon as I have fully recovered."

"That's what I mean", I replied, aiming for a humorous tone - but of course I could not completely hide my disappointment. I had thought that I had made some progress in gaining his trust.

"You still haven't told me what is most important", he continued his inquiries. "Why did they make him gain his Mangekyou Sharingan in the first place? What was in it for them?"

"You still don't know? They wanted to turn him into a tool – a perfect weapon in their hands, that would do exactly what they wanted it to do."

"So to make him a weapon they needed him to kill, and in order to make him a perfect weapon they needed him to kill his best friend and obtain the Mangekyou Sharingan."

"Exactly."

"But why did he agree to this? He might have refused to kill Shisui and returned to being a regular jounin. That's what I would have done."

"I already told you one answer to this question: He was ambitious, and joining ANBU was the dream of his life. The other answer is that he wanted to protect you: If he had not agreed to become a tool of theirs, they would have made you their tool. You would not have refused – you were only seven then, and could not have resisted."


	5. Chapter 5: from yourself

**Disclaimer:** Naruto, his friends and the universe they live in don't belong to me but to Masashi Kishimoto. I don't make any money with this story but write it solely for my own pleasuer

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**A/N:** The story is now definitely AU, or AR. I hope that Madara is still not too much out of character - I view him as rather comical and impulsive, in spite of all the evil he has done. (Which cannot be neglected...)

I want again to thank **eowyn unquendor** who has beta-read this story and helped me improve it. Without her encouragement I would certainly have not continued it.

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**Chapter Five: ...from yourself**

I gave him some time to digest the information. He needed it – and I needed to go outside and talk to Zetsu, who had arrived with new information about the kyuubi's jinchuuriki:  
"Pein and Konan have caught up with him and are about to attack. The two jounins who accompany him are pretty strong, and they may see quickly through Pein's six bodies – still I guess that Pein will cause them serious problems."

I should have done something to weaken them, I realized, just as I had done with Itachi.

"Go and have an eye on them!" I told Zetsu. "His body guard is not important, but if there's any serious danger of the jinchuuriki getting hurt, then tell me immediately, so that I can help out."

Zetsu left, and I sat down and wondered about the next question Sasuke would ask me. To be honest, I had no idea – I only knew that it would come as a surprise. I tried to work out a strategy how to answer his questions, what to tell him, what to hide from him, but I discovered that I could not concentrate. He still intended to kill me, I kept thinking, and the thought hurt, not because I had not made any progress – this would just have made me think even harder and work out a better strategy – but my heart felt as if it was in the tight grip of a hawk's talons.

When I returned inside, he was again washing his eye. I watched him for some seconds, then I decided to approach him. I did not dare to touch him, but I spoke as gently as I could:

"You won't get rid of Itachi's Amaterasu by washing your eye with water", I said.

He straightened and looked at me. "I know. I am not stupid." Then, without a warning, the facade crumbled. "I don't want it!" he cried out. "I don't want to be a weapon! I don't want to become blind!"

"It's not your choice", I said, trying to sound compassionate. I was out of practice, but I meant it.

"You say he wanted to protect me, but then how can he give his Amaterasu to me, which will turn me blind?"

"He meant well. He thought it was preferable to you falling into my hands."

"Preferable for him, you mean."

He was desperate and angry, and still my heart took a leap when I heard his words. He did not mind that he was with me – he would not have preferred that the Amaterasu had killed me. It had not been all in vain – saving his life, tending to his wounds, answering his questions as honestly as I could – even giving him advice, sincere advice, not twisted to make him listen to my plans – sincere, well-meant advice, because I had come to care for him, to like him, with his stubbornness, with his insistence on his questions, even though it were the wrong ones and he still feared to learn the truth about himself. I longed for him to grow some affection for me in return.

My happiness was of course inappropriate, considering his despair. I tried to hide it.

"Maybe it's not as bad as you think", I said. "Maybe you won't turn blind, as you did not kill anyone. Maybe what Itachi did to you had no permanent effect but was only a one-shot weapon."

"Do you mean it or do you say this only to make me feel better?" he asked me.

"I mean it, but I have no idea whether it is true. As I said, there has never been a series of controlled experiments to research the effects of the Mangekyou Sharingan. I only know that my brother gained his Mangekyou Sharingan without killing anyone, and he did not turn blind."

"Until you plucked out his eyes."

"Yes." With one remark he had pushed me back, destroying the momentary closeness.

He gave up washing his eye and left the sink. He looked around. "How long are we going to stay here?" he asked.

"Until you have fully recovered", I answered. And then you will kill me, if you can manage, I added silently.

"We can tidy up a bit", he suggested. I wondered if he meant the entire Uchiha fortress that had been destroyed during his fight against Itachi, which would have been a titan's work, but he was more realistic than that.

"I thought of beginning with a room for you so that you don't have to sleep in the kitchen."

He had already chosen a room that led directly to the kitchen, just as his did. The entrance was blocked by stones, which he had to carry away before we could do anything else, also the floor was littered with stones and with dust, and in one of the walls there was a huge hole.

It was obvious that this was not about making the room habitable. It was about having something to do, as cooking and eating and talking certainly was not enough. So we did not use any jutsus but worked with our bare hands. Well, not me: After needing my help with the heaviest boulders that had blocked the door, he put a broom into my hands and did not suffer me to do any heavy lifting. For the first time I got aware of how he saw me: As a very old man.

"Don't overstrain yourself!" I said when he was attempting to lift a boulder that was just too big. "You are still recovering from your wounds."

He did not answer – we did not talk at all while we were working. It was difficult for me – I have never been good at being silent.

So when we made a break, it was me who opened the conversation.

"Itachi did not want you to be turned into a weapon, neither by me, nor by the clan, nor by Danzou and the village of Konoha."

"Rather he would let himself be turned into one."

"Yes."

"By acquiring the Mangekyou Sharingan."

"Yes."

"Becoming the perfect weapon."

"Yes."

"But why? Why would they have chosen me? Or him?"

"You still don't know?"

"Stop talking in riddles! Just tell me!"

"He was incredibly strong. So are you. Even more."

"Even more?"

"Sure. Did you not know?"

He thought for a while. "You know, when I was a kid, if a fairy godmother had granted me a wish, it would have been to be stronger than Itachi, and that people would notice it and compliment me on it. Later I longed to be stronger than him because I wanted to defeat him – though perhaps even then I wanted to be stronger than him for the sake of being stronger."

"Everybody always knew that you that you were stronger", I said. "Born with an exceptional chakra that scared everyone. They tried to hide it from you. They were afraid of what might happen if you found out about it."

"Stronger than Itachi..."

"Indeed. Stronger than anyone in the Uchiha clan."

"What were they afraid of? That I would become a rebellious child that would not obey his parents? It would not have happened. I loved them. There was nothing more important to me than their love and recognition."

"It might have been different if you had not had to fight for it."

"As Itachi", he said. "They always adored him, and never told him off."

He was silent, and bitter.

"And if I was stronger, and more gifted, then why did Itachi super-excel at school and I did not?"

"You did not do too badly, did you?"

"No. But I graduated at twelve, and he at seven."

"Times had changed since then. At the time of the Great Ninja War against Earth Country they needed every fighter they could get, and if a boy was good at ninjutsu, they would train him and make him a weapon they could use as they pleased. Even when the war was over, this practise continued. Only a few years later they realized that the boys who had been raised as fighters had difficulties adjusting to a civilian life. There were various initiatives to deal with this issue, and one of the consequences was a change of curriculum at the ninja academy. It was no longer only about fighting but they included some history, and what's more, every student was now required to learn to read and write, which had not been the case before. Before it was left to the parents whether they wanted their child to learn this; in order to be a ninja it was sufficient to be able to draw the kanji that were needed for the jutsus. Itachi went to school before, you after the change of system."

"And what about the fact that he activated his Sharingan at a much earlier age than me?"

"There was no need for you to activate it."

He thought for a while. "It's still not everything", he said. "They might have changed the curriculum, but I could neither compete with him when it came to our family jutsus as the katon. Even my father said it: You are not like Itachi."

"Well, yes", I said. "There was another reason. I think I told you already that they had done something to you when you were a few months old."

"You did."

"They sealed up a part of your chakra so that you could no longer use it. They left you enough – you still had more than average, even more than the average Uchiha. Also, as you grew older, the seal weakened, and you had access to more of your chakra. Still it was less than Itachi's chakra, and too little for you to present any real danger."

"I am not dangerous", he repeated. "Itachi was."

"You might have been as a little child. Even though you were not evil, you could not control yourself."

He thought for a while, and then again came up with a question that surprised me because it led away from the central question.

"So that was it", he said, "sealing away my chakra, and you and Itachi suspected that it might happen again."

"Exactly. We feared that they would seal it away for good, leaving you barely enough to survive. The other possibility was that they would break the seal, making you have to deal with all of it in one moment, and then turn you into a weapon. We suspected the first: The clan had no interest in a boy with a chakra that was uncontrollable, they had always rather tried to hide this fact from the village, though without success: ANBU knew about it. They had no intention to endanger the village, they rather feared for their reputation as responsible citizens. They would have sacrificed you for this. They had not changed from the time when they would have sacrificed their own mother in order to be accepted. They would not fight for the one they loved, as I had, but rather weigh her life against that of the whole village. They were not like me."

"You are again talking of your brother's wife, aren't you?" Sasuke said.

I could not help thinking that he hurt me on purpose.

"Indeed. The only woman whom I ever loved."

"Why did they want to kill her?"

Again I wondered – why was he suddenly interested in these old stories? They did not concern him, not as much as the stories about his own birth, or the massacre of the clan. We had got so close to the important point, and suddenly he was again evading the questions that would have been most important to himself.

On the other hand I certainly did not mind to talk about her, and indulge in my memories.

"At her time she was the kyuubi's jinchuuriki. She was not very strong however, and had never learnt to control it. My brother and I could control it, he of course only before I plucked out his eyes and thus robbed him of his power. The leader of the Senju clan who later became the First Hokage also had this power.

"She always hated it, depending on others to control what was inside her, and only my and my brother's love made it bearable to her, so that she could finally find some peace. Yet she never let bitterness or hatred get the better of her, she never became unjust and blamed others for her fate, she remained patient, and only if you knew her very well you might see or feel or even be told how much she suffered.

"Of course we tried to hide the fact that she had a demon within her, but it did not work out in the long run. At first the Shodai Hokage was on our side and offered to guarantee for the safety of the village, and the safe containment of the kyuubi, just as I did, and initially people were content with this, but with time the fear of the kyuubi grew and there were more and more voices demanding that measures should be taken. It was known that the First Hokage had the power to ban the kyuubi to the underworld, and it became public opinion that this was the best course of action. The only problem was of course that the kyuubi had to be extracted before it could be banned, and that the jinchuuriki might not survive the operation. My brother, while he was still alive, and I myself opposed this of course, and so did the Shodai Hokage. Later however he gave in, claiming that he would be able to extract the kyuubi without killing her. Though when he spoke to her in private he would admit that the extraction was not without risk. He would not admit it to me, as he knew that the thought of losing her drove me mad, but she would speak to me of course, and talk of her fears. In the end she agreed to the operation, in spite of her fear, in spite of the risk, but I could not. I could not bear the thought of losing my love. I fought for her, against the Hokage, I lost, was badly wounded, and while he let me live, he told me never again to enter the village, and spread the rumour that I was dead."

"And later? Did she survive?"

"She did, but she did not know that I was still alive. Neither did I learn that she had survived the extraction of the kyuubi. They have always been rather careful when it came to information about the kyuubi in Konoha, as they did not want any other nation to know about it. Later I learnt that she also had withdrawn completely from public life."

"I am glad that she survived", Sasuke said, unusually thoughtful.

He suggested that we continued our work, and so we went on clearing up the room. He even closed the hole in the wall, first filling it with stones and debris as well as he could, then using his Katon jutsu to make the stones melt and fuse them with the rest of the wall. Afterwards he prepared dinner, and he did not allow me to help him, except with trifles; he just made me sit down and cut vegetables.

"You must be tired from the work", he said.

In fact I was more tired from our discussion and from the emotional uproar that remembering my love had brought to me.

When we sat down, Sasuke opened the conversation, changing subject again.

"What would it have meant to me if the clan had sealed up my chakra for good so that I had no longer presented a danger to anyone?"

"I am not sure. I guess they would have left you enough chakra to survive, but you would never have been able to awaken your Sharingan, or to become a ninja at all. If you had been unlucky you might have been crippled, or blinded, and your physical, emotional and intellectual growth would have been stifled, making you remain a child forever."

"And Itachi wanted to prevent this."

"Itachi, Danzou and I wanted to prevent this, all for different reasons. Otherwise I would not have helped Itachi to kill the leaders of the clan. Only that I thought that he did it for selfless reasons – I had no idea about Danzou at that time. I had no idea that it had been Danzou who had given Itachi a hint that these men were going to do something to you – that Danzou wanted Itachi to kill them – and that he certainly did not mind if on that occasion the whole clan would get wiped out."

"But why would Danzou want to protect me against having my chakra sealed up for good?"

"As I said, he wanted you as a weapon."

Sasuke thought for a while. "It does not make sense. Was it not to protect me against being turned into a weapon that Itachi allowed himself to become one?"

"It does not work like this", I explained. "Danzou might have promised this to Itachi, but this does not mean that he intended to keep his promise – at least not forever. He still planned to finally get you into his power and use you all the same. - I have often listened to Itachi when he talked about you. He loved you, and keeping you safe was more important to him than anything else. He loved you as you were – cute and innocent and at the same time striving to be as strong as him, even though this was impossible. He did not want your chakra to be sealed away for good, as he did not want you dead or crippled or an idiot, but also he feared what might happen if you found out about your true strength. He feared that Danzou would use your jealousy and ambition, your desire for recognition and even your innocence, or rather your naïveté, not knowing yet that there were people with bad intentions, to turn you into a weapon. Itachi loved you, but he did not idealize you. He saw all these flaws in you that might allow a person to manipulate you, and he feared for you and tried to protect you from yourself. So he agreed to obtain the Mangekyou Sharingan in order to have a power at his disposal that equalled that which was yours by nature, and made a deal with Danzou that he would leave you alone, with him being able to keep you in check even though your chakra had not been sealed up."

I had talked for quite some time without Sasuke interrupting me, allowing myself to be carried away by my own story, and I had not paid attention to his reactions to what I told him. Now I looked at him and saw the bitterness in his face.

"My jealousy, my ambition, and my need for recognition", he said. "It's ridiculous. I would have felt none of this if my chakra had not been partly sealed away, and if I had got the love and recognition that I deserved."


	6. Chapter 6: from the kyuubi

**Disclaimer: **Naruto, his friends and the universe they live in don't belong to me but to Masashi Kishimoto. I write this story only for myself and don't make any money with it.

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**A/N:** The longest chapter so far... Thanks go again to my beta, Eowyn Unquendor.

I am glad that in the canon Sasuke is now asking some questions, though not yet the ones that are really important - so my story is still a little bit ahead (even though it is mainly AU.) I hope that the canon will also address these questions soon. I really don't know what to make of Itachi.

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**Chapter Six: From the kyuubi**

To be honest, I was not a hundred percent sure of what I said. Some things I knew, and what I did not know, I made up, interpolating from what I knew. Of course my speculations were inspired by what I hoped to be true, and by my plans to make Sasuke join me.

The problem was of course consistency, which I have never been good at, as I don't plan in advance what I am going to say but rather make it up as I go along. Sometimes I forget what I said before, sometimes it just won't fit. That's also why I am rather reluctant when it comes to open lies – it's too difficult to keep track.

"If I had not been denied my own chakra, or my parents' love and recognition no one would have been able to turn me into a weapon", Sasuke repeated.

"It's not that simple", I reminded him. "You were extremely strong, and you could not control your chakra – not because you were evil or easy to manipulate, but because you were too young. Young children have not yet learnt to control their impulses but act directly according to their emotions. Normally that is not a problem as they are too weak to be dangerous, but with you it was different. Something had to be done."

"It's still all wrong", he said after some thinking. "Everyone says they are controlling me in my best interest, and still they are controlling me."

I pitied him. He was desperate, and desperately trying to find the exact point where everything was all wrong, and yet he was not able to put his finger on it. I could have told him, but it could have been dangerous – it would have looked like an attempt from my side to manipulate him. He would have to find it himself.

"It was too dangerous", I continued. "It was not your fault, nor theirs – except perhaps of those who really wanted to turn you into a weapon, as Danzou."

He thought for a while. "It's about the kyuubi", he said suddenly. "I can control it, even without the Mangekyou Sharingan."

"You were born with the power", I confirmed him. "Just as I was. That's why everyone was afraid of you – that's why your chakra had to be partly sealed away. You had summoned it when you were a few months old, unconsciously and unwillingly, as you were far too small to understand what was happening, and still you had caused a lot of damage, forcing the Fourth Hokage to sacrifice himself. Nobody could afford it to happen again."

"And thus the clan planned to seal away my chakra completely, and Danzou made Itachi gain the Mangekyou Sharingan, so that he as well could control the kyuubi."

"Itachi wanted to take the burden of responsibility from your shoulders", I said. "He wanted you to remain innocent, to remain the cute little brother he loved."

"Would he have even gone so far as to blind me, just to make sure that I would remain innocent, and not burdened by the responsibility for the kyuubi?"

"Maybe", I said, even though I still had no idea whether Itachi had really planned to take his eyes. "Maybe however he simply did not want to be blind himself."

He fell back into his brooding.

"Your strength has been your curse", I said.

"You have the same strength, he replied, very bitter. "And no one ever tried to gain control over you."

"Times were different times", I said. "Every clan fought for itself. A child with an enormous chakra would be welcomed then, not feared, as it gave power to the clan. Nowadays all they can think of is the danger such a child presents to the community, and how they will be scared of him when he is grown up."

"You have the same strength", he said again. "And no one ever managed to control you."

"Of course not. I was not like Itachi, or my nephews. I did not depend on others. I did not desperately try to gain the recognition of others. Not everything I did was good, or wise, but I never followed the plans or the orders of another man. Yes, I killed, from passion, and sometimes for power, and sometimes simply to prove my strength, but I never did any strange calculations as Itachi, weighing one life against another, and I never let another man manipulate me."

"What about the woman you keep talking about?" Sasuke asked, and again he managed to catch me off guard with his change of subject. "There are a lot of stories about men who fell in love and got used and manipulated by the woman they fell in love with."

"Not me!" I said. "I was not used and manipulated. I know these stories – I have even met some men who were like this, blinded by their infatuation for this or that woman – but not me. I was different. My love was too pure for this – no one, neither she nor anyone else, would have been able to use it to turn me into a weapon, or a tool"

"Would you have killed for her?" he went on with his questions.

"Of course! Did I not tell you that I was ready to challenge the entire village, and the Hokage himself, when they were planning to sacrifice her?"

"That's not what I mean", he said. "Would you have killed because she wanted you to kill?"

"She did not want me to kill", I answered, rather irritated. "She did not want me to fight the Hokage. She did not want me to confront the village. She herself had agreed to have the kyuubi extracted. She pleaded to me not to fight for her, but I could not have born it if she had died."

"But if she had asked you to kill", Sasuke insisted, "If she had asked you to kill for her sake, or just on a whim of hers, and promised you" - he thought for some seconds for a promise that might have been tempting - "promised you to accept you as her lover again, would you have killed?"

"She would not have done it", I said, taken back by the absurdity of this idea. "She would not have asked me to kill – she was not evil, and she would not have wanted me to do anything evil, and least of all she would have given herself to me as a reward for doing something evil. I would have ceased to love her if she had – I would have ceased to respect her. I know the stories you are talking about, I have known men who would have followed every whim of the woman they loved, just in order to gain her favours. But I was not like that – she was not like that. You did not know her – otherwise you would not speak about her as you do."

I was agitated again – I could not go on talking. I got up and went outside to breathe and calm down. What did he know about her? I thought. What did he know about love?

When I returned he had prepared coffee, and this time it was drinkable.

"You say that you could not be manipulated because you did not try to be reasonable, weighing one life against the other, or the life of your brother's widow against that of the whole village population. But it is possible to use a man's feeling to manipulate him – you said it yourself, they would have used my jealousy and ambition, and later Itachi used my pain and my desire finally to be recognised by my family, even though they were dead, because I had avenged them. Itachi himself made me hate him and set me on my path of revenge, telling me to become as strong as possible."

He hesitated. "Why did he do that?" he asked. "Did he want me to kill him?"

"I am not sure", I answered. "I think it was when he got aware of what had happened, when he realized that there was no way that Danzou or any of the village leaders would be able to cover up for him, so that he would have to flee the village. He understood that he had been betrayed, and that he had to find a means to protect you against becoming Danzou's weapon. Making you think of nothing but your revenge would have prevented you from joining the usual competition for power, honour, recognition and popularity. They would not even be able to use your love of the village to manipulate you."

"As they did with Itachi."

"Indeed."

"Still it was dangerous", Sasuke continued. "He might have used my desire for revenge against me. Orochimaru did. He almost turned me into one of his puppets with the promise of making me strong. I was rather lucky that I escaped the trap."

I knew about his stay at Orochimaru's place. It had worried me, and Itachi, and all members of Akatsuki – all for different reason.

"I know better now then to become the tool of my own emotions", he continued. "Even Itachi used it to manipulate me – he would have made me kill my best friend."

So this was why he had asked me whether I would have killed if my lover had demanded it.

"Well, it's the price for the Mangekyou Sharingan", I said carefully. "He wanted you as strong as possible."

"But I don't need it! I can control the kyuubi even without it, and he knew it. He wanted me to be a murderer, and never to be free."

"Or the opposite – he wanted you to severe all bonds and connections to other people, as he thought it were them that had turned him into a tool and made him unfree."

"It's still ridiculous", he said.

He wanted to pour himself another cup of coffee but I hindered him.

"You've had enough", I said. "You should be more careful – it's not healthy. For a short time it boosts up your energy, but afterwards you are completely drained. Just like Orochimaru's Cursed Seal. You should not depend on it. - Are you sure that you don't drink such a lot of coffee because you have lost the Cursed Seal?"

"We always drank coffee at Orochimaru's place – even more than now."

"It's still not healthy. It dehydrates you, and it hurts your stomach. You've had enough for today. Let us rather go outside and enjoy the evening: I have found a bottle of wine, that we may open."

"I am too young for it - "

"One glass won't hurt you."

I took two glasses with me outside, and he allowed me to fill his glass till it was half full. He drank a bit, relaxed, closed his eyes.

"Tell me more", he said, "about that woman whom you loved."

I was surprised again. Why did he want to know about her?

"What shall I tell you?"

"Everything", he said. "What she was like, why you loved her, what it was like to be in love with her."

He was weird, I thought.

"What it was like to be in love with her? It was the same as it is for everyone who is in love and who has chosen well and who is loved back: It was pure bliss. Just being near her made me happier than I had ever been before, her smile made me feel as if a black cloud had moved away, so that the sun could shine again after a rain that had lasted for hours, and when she was sad, my heart hurt as if it was going to break. I would have done everything for her."

"But you would not have killed for her."

"She would not have demanded it of me. As I said, I am not one of those men who fall victim to the charm of this or that beautiful woman, not realizing that her soul is all ugly and that she does not deserve to be loved like this. The woman I loved would have deserved the love of the best men of the world – it was me who did not deserve her."

"And so she turned you down after you plucked out your brother's eyes."

"I could not have respected her if she had not."

"And you went on loving her, even after she married your brother."

"I did – I could not have loved another woman. I kept longing for her; also I had to stay close because my brother no longer could control the kyuubi. When he was dead she again accepted me as a friend, though not as a lover, but it did not matter. My love had nothing to do with wanting to be loved back – though I longed for it through all my life, more than anything else."

"Did she love you as much as you loved her?"

"She did, at least before I plucked out my brother's eyes. I was in no way as pure of heart as she was."

"How did it come that she loved you?"

"We had found her when she was desperate – she had never learnt to control the kyuubi, and every other day she was overcome by it. She had had to leave her town because of it, even though she was married and had a small child. She had to leave it in her husband's and his family's care because she did not want to hurt it accidentally. She was attempting to survive on her own without being fit for it. It had been a choice between starving herself to death and killing others when the kyuubi overcame her, and she had come to the conclusion that starving herself to death was the better choice. My brother and I helped her get the kyuubi under control, and we took her with us, promising to protect her. We cared for her, and soon she recovered, both from starvation and despair, and we saw the beauty and purity of her soul. We loved her both, each in his own way, but she chose me as her lover. I did not know why, as he was the better man, so once I asked her, and she said: You make me laugh.´".

"I can well imagine that", he said. "You are absolutely crazy – everyone would laugh about you."

He smiled a bit himself, for the first time since I had met him. It made his fine features shine with a beauty that took my breath.

"She was the first woman who loved me because I made her laugh. The ones I had before her only saw the strong shinobi and I did not realize that something was wrong with it. I thought it natural, and actually I was quite content that being very powerful allowed me to have any woman for my bed that I desired. With her, I did not care about being powerful, safe in order to protect her, and when there was no danger, I was always ready to make a fool of myself, just to hear the sweet melody of her laughter, so that I could laugh together with her and be happy as if I was in heaven. She had been all too controlled when we had met her, controlled and desperate and always on the alert, for fear of losing control. With my brother and me around to intervene if anything should happen she could finally loosen her tight grip on herself and allow herself to become a bit more spontaneous. We would even teach her some taijutsu, which was rather scary to her, because before, whenever she had fought someone, the kyuubi had got out of control."

"Did she not mind your rather violent character?"

"I often wondered myself. But when I asked her, she said: You are not bad! You think that you are bad, but in my heart I know that you are good.´ And she looked at me with her eyes full of love, and caressed my cheek, and I felt that I could become more than just the strongest fighter in the Shinobi world."

"Did you get her into your bed?"

"We had sex, if that's what you mean", I answered rather sharply. "I told you she became my lover, didn't I?"

Only after I had answered I wondered if I should not have told him off for asking such a personal question instead of answering him. But I have always acted spontaneously and on impulse, and I could not change myself.

"You make her seem high above you" he said. "An angel rather than a woman."

"Of course she was a woman", I replied. "The most tender and most exciting lover I ever had."

"I thought that when you took her in you did it for selfless reasons, not because you wanted her for your bed."

"We did it for selfless reasons, and I did not want her for my bed when we found her. Did I not tell you? We found her by chance, when she was helpless and desperate, and we happened to be able to control the kyuubi, so we took her with us. It wasn't very heroic, or altruistic, as it was not dangerous to us and cost us nothing – but it was selfless in that we did not think of ourselves, and we were highly rewarded when we found that we had saved the best woman who had ever lived."

"But you did not have to make her your lover."

"I did not make her my lover. I did not force her, or try to seduce her, or to manipulate her in any other way to make her share my bed – and neither did she seduce me, in order to secure my protection or whatever."

I tried to calm down and to speak in a less angry tone. It was not his fault that he had no idea about love.

"It just happened that we came together. One day we went on a walk by ourselves and came upon a tiger; she was scared and clung to me for protection, I put my arm around her, and, well, first of course I had to chase away the tiger, but when it had retreated I became aware of what I had not admitted to myself before – that I not only liked her, and admire her for the purity of her heart, as I had done for quite some time, but that I longed for her with my whole heart, and my whole soul and my whole body, that I desired to be near her, to exist for her, more than anything else. I kissed her hair, very softly, because, as you would put it, I still saw her as an angel rather than a woman and had no idea how she would react to it – but she turned to me and kissed me, and I forgot myself in the pure happiness of the moment. And then, well, one thing led to the other."

"You were never married", he observed.

"No, we weren't. We could not marry as she was still legally married to the husband she had left behind in her own country... It was not easy for her to be permitted to divorce from him – remember that back then divorce was still very unusual, and a dishonour for all who were involved, so that you had to have very good reasons. In the end it was her husband who got permission to divorce from her because she had a demon inside her. She was pregnant then, and I asked her to marry me, and nothing would have made me happier than her acceptance – but it was after I had plucked out my brother's eyes, and so she refused me."

"And rightly", Sasuke said.

"I had not turned out the good person she had seen in me", I answered."

"And still you went on loving her, even though she would not let you touch her again. You are really weird."

"No", I replied. "You are weird. Where did you get your ideas about love, sex and marriage? At Orochimaru's place?"

There had been a lot of discussion among the members of Akatsuki whether Sasuke would survive his stay at Orochimaru's place without any major damage. I had always been rather pessimistic, though still pretending to be the junior member and a clown in the bargain, I kept it for myself. When Sasuke had defeated Orochimaru, those who had always known that he would survive unscathed, were triumphing, but, as it seemed, I had not been that wrong at all.

"Everybody there was using everybody else", he said. "I was lucky that I could stay clear of it."

So at least he had been able to avoid the worst: Being abused himself.

"It's not the real thing", I told him. "You will learn about the real thing when you are old enough. I was well over thirty when I learnt it, and she in her mid-twenties, and both of us had a lot of rubbish to unlearn, and still it was not too late. We learnt how it can be like when it is not any more about receiving pleasure, but about being close, and about giving pleasure – how it is to be naked, truly naked for the first time and not any more even in bed trying to be the strongest shinobi of the world – while she had to learn to accept that I loved everything about her, even what she herself deemed ugly. Nothing is ugly when you are truly in love... To feel insecure again, as if it was your first time, because this is in fact the first time you are truly in love, and you don't want to hurt her, but instead to give all the pleasure you can, and have no idea how, but it does not really matter, as she is no virgin either, and in the end it turns out that in spite of your insecurity you managed to avoid most of the stupid mistakes you made when you were seventeen."

"I am only fifteen", he said. "And I have never been with a woman."

"But you will", I said. "You still have a lot of time."

I filled myself another glass of wine. He had barely touched his.

"Maybe I will", he said, carefully taking another sip of his glass. He thought for some time, looking to the sun that now hung low above the horizon. "But I don't have to love Itachi, do I?" he continued.

"Of course not. He's your brother, I mean."

"Not like this! Just as a brother. You told me that he did everything he did in order to protect me – that he loved me – that he meant well – but I still don't have to love him – I am allowed to think of him as an evil person, killing the whole clan, using my pain and my naivetë to manipulate me, and even trying to make me kill my best friend – I don't have to love him, or to think of him as a good person, just because he did it for my sake."

So this was why he made me tell about my lover, I thought.

"Of course you don't", I said. "You don't have to love anyone."

"I thought you wanted me to like him, and to regret that I fought him and that I spent several years of my life training to become strong enough to kill him."

"It was not my intention to make you like him, or think of him as a good person", I said. "Though maybe one day you will think differently about him than you do now, with more generosity and more understanding, and perhaps be able to forgive where you cannot excuse him. Just take your time."

For some minutes we sat in comfortable silence, once at last peaceful. Then he sat up straight.

"You still haven't answered the most important question", he said.

"Didn't I?" I asked back, startled what would come now – I should not have trusted the peace. "If that's the case then it's only because you haven't asked it yet. So which is the question that is more important than whether I had sex with the woman I loved?"

"You said you did not have the intention to make me like Itachi – but what is your intention? Why are you keeping me? What are your plans for me?"


	7. Chapter 7: Conclusions

**Disclaimer: **Naruto, his friends and the universe they live in don't belong to me but to Masashi Kishimoto. I write this story solely for my own pleasure and don't make any money with it.

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**Thanks **go again to eowyn unquendor, who has beta-read this story. Without her comments and encouragements I would not have managed to finish the story.

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**Chapter Seven: Conclusions**

He had outwitted me. I had thought that I had been confusing him, making him question the truths he had always believed in, and at the same time distracting him and gaining his trust by making small talk with him – and he had never forgotten that I must have had something in mind when I had saved his life and taken him in.

I desperately sought for an answer, even for a lie, though I have never been good at lying. To my horror I realized that I did not even know which direction to take with a lie – with Akatsuki I had always been good at deceiving and manipulating them because with each of them I knew exactly what they dreamt of, what they feared, and what was the motivating force behind all their actions. With Sasuke I had no idea – sure, there was his revenge, but now he had achieved it, and besides, I had just spent a whole day trying to make him doubt this aim (most of all because I would have been his next target.) I did not know what else was important to him – I had not even cared to find out – how could I have been that stupid, forgetting what was most important of all if I wanted him to follow my plans!

He still waited for an answer, and there was no choice but to be honest:

"I have already told you", I said. "I want you to revive the clan, and to restore its honour."

"I take it that your definition of honour is different from the one of the clan leaders whom you killed together with Itachi."

"It is. I don't believe in keeping to the letter of the law, so that no one can blame you for anything. I don't believe in a perfect surface, and in not being noticed. I want the clan proud again, as it was before the foundation of Konoha, I want it to believe in its own values, to set its own rules, instead of always being concerned about other people's opinions. I want it strong and independent, and not afraid of anything, least of all of its own strength, or of other people's hatred and fear."

"And as you are too old to marry and have children, and anyway don't want to marry because of that perfect woman you once loved, you want me to do it. What if I don't find a woman who will marry me, or whom I want to marry?"

"But you will", I said. "You are young, handsome, intelligent, righteous, and a strong fighter in the bargain. There is no doubt that you will find a wife."

He smiled knowingly, and I saw the foolishness of my words.

"You will still have to learn to make a woman laugh", I added.

"I won't be used for anything", he said.

It would be difficult to convince him, I realized, and to persuade him to make my dreams come true. I had made a lot of mistakes, talking from my heart without thinking, and I could not undo them now.

"I don't want you as a tool", I tried to convince him in spite of everything. "I want you as my partner who shares my dream, the resurrection of the once proud clan of Uchiha. It's your dream as well, isn't it – you still wear the clan's crest on your back – you have always dreamt of reviving it. You don't have to share my values, or my idea of honour – we will decide together about the values of the renewed clan – you will decide on your own, if you insist – I don't care."

Again he smiled knowingly. "If I ever have children, they will decide about their own values", he said. "Anyway it's unavoidable. Your nephews didn't share your values, even though you cared for them as if they had been your own kids."

I had definitely talked too much.

"What about Akatsuki?" he asked suddenly, and I wondered whether there was a system behind these sudden changes of subject. I had always taken it for granted that he was just following the ideas that came to his mind, making his thoughts – and his questions – go in this or that direction, as it would happen – but maybe I had underestimated him from the very beginning. I should have remembered that he had survived three years at Orochimaru's place, and in the end defeated him.

"What about Akatsuki and the bijuus?" he asked again.

"Don't worry about them", I answered. "Most of them are dead anyway. You killed Deidara and Itachi; Sasori, Hidan and Kakuzu were killed by the Leaf, Kisame has been defeated by your own companion." I did not mention that Kisame had surrendered, not to Sasuke's team Hebi, but to the Konoha team, and that Hebi as well had joined the Leaf, seeking protection and orientation now that they were without leader.

"There are only three of them alive now", I continued. "One of them is a clown, or rather a plant, and the other two are fighting the Konoha team at this very moment, and though they are rather strong there is no doubt that they will be soon defeated. Don't worry about them. It will be only you and me who will revive the clan."

The news about the Konoha team and his old companions startled him, but he got himself under control again.

"Me, you mean, as you are too old", he corrected me. "What about the bijuus?"

"Akatsuki stored their chakra in a huge statue in a hidden place. There they have lost their individuality and merged into a huge amorphous mass of chakra. We will send it to the world of the dead – you and me together. We have the necessary power."

"You still have not got the kyuubi", he said.

"No, of course not, and we won't send it to the underworld. We'll keep it - it is the very symbol of the power of the Uchiha clan, as we can control it. We won't use it – I know you are against it – we will just keep it, so that everyone knows that the Uchiha are no longer afraid of their own strength, that they are again a clan that has to be feared and respected. We won't be intimidated by anyone."

He seemed unimpressed. "You know that there's a jinchuuriki", he said. "What about him?"

"He is, at this moment, fighting the last surviving members of Akatsuki, together with his team. He'll soon defeat them, and then, when he is exhausted, we will capture him."

"The jinchuuriki was my friend – or he still is – I guess he is still trying to save me. It was only me who was a bad friend."

I remembered the jinchuuriki's odd reaction to the news of Sasuke's victory over Itachi – how his only concern had been to find him before Zetsu and I did. I had not thought of it: another mistake of mine.

"I won't allow you to use him as a tool", Sasuke concluded. "Or to harm him in any other way."

It was a _no_ to all my plans – a final _no_, as I did not have any argument against it, at least none that would sound sincere. Blindly – or seeingly – I had walked into the trap he had set up for me. I had been defeated by a fifteen-year-old boy, and nothing remained but to admit my defeat.

"I have to thank you though", he continued in a more thoughtful voice. "For saving my life, and for taking time to talk to me and to tell me your stories about myself and my clan and my brother, and of your own past, even though I doubt they were all true."

"My pleasure", I answered. He had forgotten the coffee, I thought.

"Still I will kill you in revenge for the clan", he said.

"You will turn yourself into Danzou's weapon if you do this", I replied.

I could not belief myself: Was I really pleading for my life? But that was not all – I had hoped that he had grown some affection for me, just as I had for him, maybe not as much, but still enough to not kill me.

"Maybe I will", he said, and I wondered what he was referring to.

"Anyway, what was the name of the woman you loved?" he again changed the subject. "I might have heard of her. She must have been well-known if she was the ancestress of the clan."

"Probably not - she did not like to be in the centre of attention, and even among her own grandchildren, not to speak of her great-grandchildren, few knew her", I answered. "But I will tell you her name..."

I did, and his reaction was rather unexpected.

"I knew her", he said. "Personally, I mean. She was very old, and my mother looked after her, helping her wash herself, and with the household and everything. She took turns with some other women, and sometimes she took me with her. I was very small then, you know. She seemed strange to me, unbelievably old, all tiny and wrinkled and very weak, barely able to walk by herself, if it was for more than a few steps. Her mind was more in the past than in the present, and most of the time I did not know what she was talking about, but she was still clear-minded, never confusing past and present, always greeting me by my name and giving me some toy, not as a present, but so that I would have something to play with while my mother was helping her, and sometimes she made me sit next to her and showed me some old pictures and told me stories of the past in a way that they made sense to me. I think I can understand why you loved her."

"You clearly cannot", I replied.

He was silent for some minutes, then he asked his next question: "What happened to her?"

"You can answer this question yourself", I returned.

He lowered his eyes. "I am sorry", he said. "I should have figured it out. I did not want to hurt you."

The memory hurt indeed – still his apology had soothed me, and I told him the full story: "She lived at the place of one of her grandsons, who happened to be among the clan leaders whom Itachi and I wanted to kill. Their meeting was at his place... We thought that they were all on their own, and we had no idea about the very old woman who remained in the house in the next room – few people knew about her. She had indeed difficulties walking more than a few steps, but she managed to come in to see what was going on. She could not hinder us, of course, but she could scream, and call for help. Itachi killed her on the spot – he was too quick for me, as I was still in shock from meeting her again. I could not do anything to help her, I just saw her die in a moment, struck down by Itachi's Tsukuyomi. I fled in despair, using my Space-Time-Ninjutsu... If I had only known that she was still alive! I might have made up with her again! She might have accepted me again as her lover."

"But she was all old and tiny and thin and wrinkled", Sasuke remarked.

"You still have not understand anything, have you? And stop imagining things – you are too young for it."

To my surprise he obeyed me, turning his thoughts to another matter: "You would not have won her heart by killing the clan", he said. "But you might have prevented Itachi from killing all the rest, even though you could not protect her. You are really egocentric, thinking only of the one person you loved, and not about all the others who died as well, and a coward in the bargain, fleeing from everywhere with your Space-Time-Ninjutsu."

He seemed strangely content with this conclusion, and peaceful – as if it was neither necessary nor honourable to kill a coward as myself. I poured myself another glass of wine – Sasuke's was still almost as full as when I had filled it. Now he took a sip.

We were silent for some minutes, watching the sun sink under the horizon. Yet in spite of our momentary truce I did not feel at peace, or at rest, so I broke the silence.

"What are your plans?" I asked. "As you won't share mine."

"Go back to Konoha. Find out which of your stories are true."

"It's not that easy", I said. "You cannot just invite Danzou to a cup of coffee and make him tell you everything he knows." Maybe he can, I thought, considering what he had done to me. "And if you find the truth, do you plan to stay there, and serve them again as a shinobi?"

"I am not sure yet. I depends on the truth I will find." He paused for some seconds, then he continued, sounding much less certain than before: "What's been troubling me most since you told me that Itachi was in league with some of the village leaders: You know, I told you, the kyuubi's jinchuuriki was my friend – the best friend whom I would have had to kill to obtain the Mangekyou Sharingan. Did they know this – did they plan this – did they put us into one team on purpose, so that we might become best friends, so that I would have to kill him, and thus help them get rid of the kyuubi once and for all"

"Maybe they did", I answered out of habit, as I always did when I had no idea at all, but wanted to encourage someone in believing something that I found useful. Then I corrected myself: "Honestly, I don't know. They might, or they might not. You will have to find out yourself." I touched the back of his hand, in a way that I hoped would be comforting, and he took mine and pressed it. Again I realized that in his eyes I was a very old man.

"But if I may advise you, Sasuke: Don't waste your time with it. Don't burden your mind with too many questions, least of all with questions that will never be answered, as they are all about other people's thoughts and intentions and motivations, and they will never answer them truthfully. Keep to your own knowledge, your own values, and your own aims. Whoever wanted you to kill him and whatever their purpose was: You did not do it. This is what counts."

He pondered my words. "But I have to know whom I can trust and whom not."

"But you do know, don't you?" I said, pressing his hand. "Sasuke, I am probably not the most trustworthy man, with all the evil I have done, but I care for you, and not in the way Itachi did. I don't want you to be a murderer, or a cripple, or an innocent child forever. I want you strong and intelligent and mature and warm-hearted. I don't want you as my tool, I don't even want you at my side, but..."

My voice broke – what I was about to say would be to admit utter and complete defeat – but on the other hand I had indeed been defeated, and nothing was left to me. I pressed his hand, my heart reached out to him, I would have done anything to gain his trust, not for this or that purpose, but for its own sake.

"But I would be glad if you accepted me at your side", I completed my sentence.

He sat unmoved and seemed far far away, in spite of the physical contact. His mind was elsewhere, and his look was directed at the horizon, where the sun was no longer visible, but the sky was still illuminated from below and shone in a deep red – a strange red, rather orange than pink...

I disposed of the same power as Sasuke, and just as him I knew what was going on. Zetsu's return confirmed my suspicion:

"The jinchuuriki has been overcome by the kyuubi. When he learnt that Jiraya was killed by Pein he completely lost control. The demon is out in its full form, with all its nine tails, and its on a rampage, threatening to kill friend and foe alike."

"We have to do something", Sasuke said before I could. "And quickly!"

"Can you use Space-Time-Ninjutsu?" I asked him.

"Yes."

"And get the kyuubi under control?"

"Yes."

"I will still give you another power that you might need. It will just take a few seconds."

He was off guard, so I easily caught him in my Tsukuyomi. The four-eyes head appeared that represented me in that world, two of its eyes now dead from the cataract, and there was another head that represented Sasuke, also with two extra sockets for these extra eyes that would raise the power of his sharingan to its ultimate level. I tore out my eyes – my true eye, but also the two eyes of that skull – one of them my own, one my brother's – and inserted them into the empty extra sockets of the skull that represented Sasuke in this world. He let it happen – still stunned from the surprise.

"Go and save your friend", I said, realizing that Sasuke's face, most beautiful in its openness and vulnerability and confusion, had now been the last thing I would ever see – not the worst choice, after all. I would remember it for all my life.

"Save him and then return and bring him with you. Don't let me die here all alone!"


	8. Epilogue: To protect his friendship

**Disclaimer: **Naruto, his friends and the universe they live in don't belong to me but to Masashi Kishimoto. I don't make any money with this story, but write it solely for my own enjoyment.

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**A/N: **Sorry for the long wait – I had a lot of work these last two weeks, then I was a bit ill, and it was my turn to write the chapter discussion of chapter 402. But here it is now... More A/N at the end of the chapter.

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**Epilogue: To protect his friendship**

The five minutes that followed were pure horror. The pain in my eye almost made me faint, but I did not, I was too scared for it. With darkness all around me I felt absolutely helpless, an easy prey for anyone who would attack me, not able to defend myself, even to flee, as I could not see where I was running to. Even if I was not attacked I would die because I could not care for myself – if Sasuke abandoned me I would die most miserably. (Zetsu did not count; he, as the other members of Akatsuki, had only obeyed me because I was strong.)

It was pure horror while it lasted: Sitting there, stiff and tense with fear as a rabbit in front of a snake, not daring to move, as I had no idea what was going on around me, or what actually existed around me – but it were not the worst five minutes of my life, as I first thought. No, really not. Having to leave the village after my defeat against the First Hokage, or the look of disgust in my lover's face when she learnt that I had plucked out my brother's eyes and told me never to come near her again – or the horror when she caught me and Itachi killing those leaders of the clan, and the moment when Itachi struck her down, destroying all hope of ever making up with her: these have been moments of utter despair, with my heart all cold and dark and empty, cut off from everything that gave it hope and joy – now it was merely fear for my life, and anyway, it did not last long, as five minutes later Sasuke returned, and with him he brought the jinchuuriki.

His chakra presence was as strong as Sasuke's, though of a different, lighter nature, and as easily discernible. Also, he was very audible - as soon as he had arrived he was shouting at Sasuke:

"What are you doing? Why are you abducting me? What do you think gives you the right to take me with you as you please?"

So Sasuke had been able to interrupt the fight that had been going on between Konan and Pein and the Konoha team and get Naruto out of it.

"You had completely lost control to the kyuubi", he replied. "Someone had to do something. - Zetsu!" he called, "go back to the fighting-ground immediately and stop the fighting! I want everyone alive – the Konoha team, and the Akatsuki, and my own team as well. Tell them to meet us here."

I wondered whether Zetsu would take orders from him, but as it seemed he shifted his loyalty rather easily to the person who now was the strongest shinobi in the closer vicinity:

"How shall I stop the fighting?" he asked.

"Tell them the truth: That Madara betrayed them."

"What!" I cried out. "Do you want me dead? What have I done to you?"

"Not to me – to them. You will have to explain yourself to them."

I felt Zetsu vanish. His chakra had been barely perceivable, being overshadowed by that of the two boys (and probably by my own), still I felt the change when he had gone.

I would have to improve my chakra sensing skills, I realized. Having always been able to see chakra, I had never seen the necessity of it. Even when I had lost one of my eyes to the cataract, I still relied only on my Sharingan.

Sasuke took my hand.

"What have you done?" he asked me, his voice shaking with emotion. "Why did you do this? You are really absolutely crazy!"

"I have done the wrong thing so often in my life", I answered, "that once at least I wanted to do what is right."

He embraced me, rather abruptly, forgetting that I was blind and could not see what he was going to do and was not able respond to it, so that his embrace came rather as a shock than a comfort.

"It was not the right thing", he said. "It was stupid and risky and unnecessary. We might have gone together and saved him together – I did not want you sacrifice – I did not need your eyes."

He dissolved the embrace. "You should not have done it", he repeated. "I preferred you strong and with your sight."

"Sasuke", I heard the jinchuuriki ask, "who is that man? Why did he give you his eyes? Why did you bring me to this place?"

"May I introduce", Sasuke said in a tone of mock formality, "Naruto, this is Uchiha Madara, last survivor of my clan except for myself. Madara, this is Uzumaki Naruto, a shinobi of the Leaf and former teammate of mine, and just as crazy as you are. Also, as you already know, he is the kyuubi's jinchuuriki."

"You are not the sole survivor of your clan?" Naruto asked. "How's that? How did he survive the massacre?"

"He participated in it – he was Itachi's accomplice. He will explain it to you – he has a lot of stories to tell, and some of them concern you as they concern me – ask him whatever question you like, he will answer them all, though not always truthfully. Don't be afraid, he has lost all his power when he gave his eyes to me, and anyway, I am close by and can help out if anything should happen."

"What are you talking about, Sasuke?" Naruto asked. "I don't need you to help me out! I am as strong as you are!"

Sasuke did not reply to this, he stood up and left us, too upset with all that had happened to continue the conversation.

"What is it all about?" Naruto asked me. "Why did you give him your eyes? Why did he bring me here?"

I told him: "My eyes can control the kyuubi", I said. "I gave this power to him so that he could help you out – you really needed to be saved, no matter what you say: The kyuubi had taken control, and if it had lasted for much longer you would have lost yourself..."

"So Sasuke has power over the kyuubi now", Naruto said musingly. "And thus over me."

"He always had", I replied. "Though I guess that he has also power over your heart, which is far worse. Your only chance is to gain power over his heart in your turn."

He did not answer.

"It's been your fate", I continued, "from the very time of your birth. It was him who unwillingly summoned the kyuubi when he was an infant, they sealed up his chakra so that he could not use it, they tried to break him so that they could use him as a tool to control the kyuubi and, consequently, you, they even tried to make him kill you, but he would not do it."

I expanded those last points, though I did not know how much of it was true – even though the idea of Sasuke being manipulated to kill him and thus free Konoha from the kyuubi for good had not even been my own – I have no idea why I did it – I think it was just out of habit.

It was difficult of course to talk to someone without seeing his reactions.

"It does not make sense", he suddenly interrupted me. "If he can control the kyuubi, and had this power from his birth, why did you give him your eyes?"

"It made sense", I said. "He wanted to save you, and I wanted to support him as well as I could. I wanted to protect his friendship."

"And thus you lost your own power over the kyuubi", he said. "And your vision."

"It's okay", I answered, and it really was.

"Doesn't it hurt?" he went on asking.

"It's okay", I answered again. He suggested cooling the wound, so we went inside, where he gave me a wet piece of cloth to put it on my eye. He had to help me with everything, and I began to realize what being blind really meant.

"It does not look blind", he said. "How did you give it to him? Did you really pluck it out yourself?"

"Of course not", I answered, "it would have got crushed." I explained to him how I had done it.

"Maybe it is still possible to do something about it", he said. "When my team arrives. One of my teammates is a capable med nin. She'll have a look at it."

"I don't think it's among the things that can be cured by medical ninjutsu", I answered.

Having overcome his initial shock he had adapted rather quickly to the new situation, and all in all he gave the impression of being rather laid-back, in no way as troubled and tense and distrusting as Sasuke.

"How did he bring you here?" I asked him.

He shrugged. "I don't remember much – I was indeed overcome by the kyuubi. My memory sets in when he was at my side, and we were both surrounded by the demon fox's chakra. He took my arm, made the fox return into its cage, and then he brought me here. He did not say hello, or how are you, nor did he tell me that he was going to take me out of the fight – he just took me with him. - You'll have to ask him, if you want to know more..."

And as if he had been called, Sasuke was with us again. He had calmed down now: "I had to act quickly", he said. "To prevent the kyuubi from causing more damage, and because I did not want to leave Madara alone for too long. Anyway, he told me to bring you here."

"I understand that you did not want to leave him alone", Naruto said. "But you did not have to take me with you."

"It was not safe. You could have changed back at any moment. Or you could have been captured."

There was a silence of a few minutes. It was scary for me, even though the boys' chakra presences let me feel that they were still with me. It was not enough: I needed to hear them as well.

Naruto spoke first, his voice hoarse with emotion.

"I am glad to be with you again", he said. "And I will take you back to Konoha."

"Have you heard his stories?" Sasuke replied. "Do you still want to return?"

"I heard them – are they true? Do you think that they are true? Did they really try to use you to control me? Did they really intend us to become friends so that you would kill me and help them to get rid of the kyuubi? Sasuke, you don't regret that we became best friends, do you, even though it furthered their plans?"

"I don't", he answered. "Honestly, I have no idea which of his stories are true. I have no idea what's true at all – he made me doubt everything I ever thought I knew, and everything I did as well. There's only one thing I know for sure: That I don't regret having you as my best friend, and that I did the right thing when I did not kill you."

"So it was not on a whim..."

"Of course it wasn't. How could you believe it?"

"I did not believe it. How could you believe that I should believe it?"

They were silent again, and again I felt scared and forsaken without their voices assuring me of their presence.

"Don't press so hard", Sasuke finally said. "I still have to breathe!" and thus I knew that they were embracing.

"Will you go with me to Konoha and help me find the truth?" Sasuke went on.

"I will – stop talking nonsense, Sasuke, you will go back to Konoha with me, as I always said you would..."

They were silent again, and I guessed that they were embracing again.

"I just have to touch you", Naruto said. "I just have to make sure that you are really with me."

Finally they remembered me, and Sasuke remembered that Naruto had not eaten. We went to the kitchen, and I realized what being blind meant; I had to be led, and Sasuke held my arm while Naruto pulled the chair back so that I could sit down. I could not help preparing the meal, and they had to guide my hands when I was searching for my cup or for my food. (They overdid, in my opinion. I would have to learn to eat by myself, eventually, and I am already much better at it than I was at the beginning.)

They spread out my mattress and sheets for me, they helped me undress and wash, and accompanied me outside to a place where I could pee. It was more embarrassing to them than it was to me, I realized – though Naruto was a bit more relaxed about it than Sasuke. He talked all the time, trying to make me feel comfortable, though he advised me to get some female nurses, who'd probably be more interesting, but who, on the other hand, would not know how to wash me properly.

"You don't do it properly", I replied, for he was far too embarrassed for this. "I will do it myself."

They did their best, and they meant well, and with this they made up for their clumsiness and their embarrassment.

I felt strangely light-hearted, though I had lost my sight. Sasuke obviously no longer planned to kill me, and his friend, the jinchuuriki, was kind-hearted, relaxed, spontaneous, funny – I liked him from the very beginning, and I hoped that some of it would rub off on Sasuke. He was far too serious and had spent far too much of his life preparing for revenge, instead of having fun and making friends with kids of his age as a teenager should do.

They had prepared my bed in the room where Sasuke slept, and where Naruto was going to sleep as well. I would not sleep alone – it would have been a nightmare, I needed to know that they were near.

Sasuke sat down with me while Naruto washed himself in the kitchen. He took my hand, then embraced me – or rather we embraced, as this time he was more careful and gave me time to respond.

"I wish you had not done it", he said. "I wish you were still strong and powerful and could teach me what I need to know."

What he most needed to learn, I thought, was to laugh – and his friend, I knew, would be better at teaching him that than I was.

"You don't need me", I said. "You'll find out by yourself. Hasn't everything turned out well for you? Your friend is with you again, and he will help you find out the truth."

"Yeah", he answered.

"You are really lucky with him."

"Yeah", he said again, but he did not sound as if he was convinced. "But I have no idea what to do. He's always touching me – you cannot see it – he always touches me and says he wants to reassure himself that I am still with him."

"Tell him it's annoying, and that no matter how often he touches you, you can still use space-time-ninjutsu, so that he has to trust you to stay with him."

"It's not annoying. I just don't know what to do."

I began to suspect the truth. "Return the favor", I suggested.

"I can't. He'll get suspicious. He's still innocent."

Things made sense now – his refusal to find a wife, his rather personal questions – he had not asked them in order to manipulate me, it appeared.

"I have dreamt of him – indecent dreams. I did not want them – I wanted to focus on my revenge – I just could not help it."

"It's erotic dreams", I said. "They are called erotic dreams."

"I can't touch him. He'll notice, and he's still innocent and naive."

He was really weird, and complicated, but I loved him just like that and pressed him against me.

"You'll manage", I whispered into his ear. "Just trust your heart. And your friend – and now be quiet: He has come in."

I should advise him not to rely on his Sharingan alone, I thought, but also to train his chakra-sensing skills.

"What are you talking about?" Naruto asked. "I am not naive! Stop underestimating me!"

We dissolved the embrace.

"Where shall I put up my bed?" Naruto asked.

"Wherever you want!"

It was now Sasuke's turn to wash. Naruto asked whether I was fine, and I bade him to keep talking, which was no problem for him.

"I'll sleep next to you", he announced, when Sasuke returned. "Just to make sure that you don't disappear."

Things were going to be complicated, I realized, for both of them, but at the same time I was glad that for once they were busy with problems that went with being fifteen, and not with all the stuff that was far too heavy for their still not yet full-grown shoulders.

I feared that they'd annoy me with their talking but actually they made me feel at peace, and safe, as their voices assured me of their presence. I fell asleep before they did.

I also woke up before they did. It was scary to open my eyes and still see nothing... I sat again stiff and tense with fear, even though I heard the boys' regular breathing. Only when Naruto woke up and wished me a good morning I felt safe again.

"Are you all right?" he asked. "Do you need anything? Can I help you?"

I cursed my helplessness – I did not want to disturb him – but I needed him indeed to lead me into the kitchen and help me wash myself, and then lead me outside so that I could enjoy the morning – feel the wind and the sun on my skin, and listen to the birds I could not see.

It's lucky that I don't think of the consequences of my actions, or I would never have found the courage to give my eyes away.

Naruto sat down next to me. He put his arm around my shoulders, and I was glad of it. In these first days of my blindness I craved physical contract. Now it has changed – there are times when I enjoy being alone.

"Don't ever break his heart", I said. "He has suffered a lot, but he is, all in all, a kind-hearted young man. Don't make him suffer any more."

I was still not sure whether I wanted them to be together. A part of mine regretted it as it meant that Sasuke would not continue the clan, but I also wanted him to find happiness, and I thought that with this friend his chances for it were quite good.

"I won't break his heart", Naruto said. "He has done it to me, three years ago, and it still hurts, and I would not do it to him."

We remained silent, until Sasuke joined us, bringing some coffee with him. He sat down on my other side, putting his arm around my shoulder, so that the boys' arms met behind my back, and I could feel that they were much more comfortable with touching each other than they had been the night before.

"If you want to make him happy", Sasuke said in this weirdly self-satisfied tone of his, "you'll have to make him talk about the woman he once loved."

"Why? What about her?" Naruto asked, and thus we passed the time until the arrival of the Konoha team.

* * *

So this, Lady Tsunade, is my own story, told in my own words. Kakashi, who has brought me to your throne – wait, he's just telling me that I am not in the throne hall but just in your office, in front of your desk – Kakashi, who has brought me to your desk has told you the rest: How Pein went crazy after hearing that I had betrayed them, and threatened to kill me, and in the end the Konoha team had to take him down. Konan, Zetsu and Kisame were more reasonable, they agreed to be taken prisoners and to be brought to Konoha, just as I did.

I wanted to be taken to Konoha – I would have loved to see again the town that I helped to found, but as it seems, I have to be content to feel its pavement beneath my feet, and to hear the noise of its streets. The med nin of the Konoha team has had a look at my eyes, and she has done her best, but she was not able to return me my eyesight – she said that you might have a look, both at the eye I gave to Sasuke and at the eye I lost to the cataract.

I would love to see Konoha again, and I would be grateful to you if you at least gave it a try, as a last favour before I am executed for all my crimes – though maybe you will decide to grant me pardon – I would appreciate it, even though I am blind. I have always lived life to the fullest, accepting everything it had to offer to me, love and loneliness, pride and shame, joy and despair, and now, after having been strong for all my life, I will taste weakness, and old age, and depending on others who care for me. They care well for me, Sasuke and his friend, even though they are still a bit awkward and easily embarrassed. I would like to live for a few more years and then finally die of old age – but I am ready to accept death if you decide that this is what I deserve.

I only plead for the boy, the last of my descendants, that he should be allowed to live, and to enter the village freely without fear of being killed or taken prisoner, and that you give him all the support he needs in finding out the truth about himself.

He's waiting for your answer now, outside the gates of Konoha, and with him is his friend, the jinchuuriki. They haven't been lazy during our journey to Konoha, and by now they have learnt to control the kyuubi and to use it quite efficiently.

* * *

**A/N: **So this is the end of my story – my happier version of what happens in the canon. Thanks to everyone who commented on it and who read it! Your encouragement gave me the strength to continue it! I hope you enjoyed it, and I hope that you still like "my" Madara!

I am a bit sorry for turning him blind – now we could not see what was going on between the two boys. (My beta, eowyn unquendor, said that it was a clever way to guard the boys' privacy, but this time it was too much for me. Only that I loved the self-sacrifice scene so much that I rather sacrificed some love scenes.)

Though perhaps it is better as it is – I have written enough Sasunaru already, I don't need more.

And now I will return to the canon and hope that everything turns out well and that Sasuke keeps his common sense and does not allow himself to be manipulated neither by Itachi nor by Madara, and that he will guard his sense of morality – and I will hope that some of the questions that I adressed in my story (Itachi "advising" Sasuke to hate people and to kill his best friend, Sasuke trying to avoid becoming a tool, Itachi forgetting that Sasuke would not always remain the cute seven-year-old child who was too small to understand anything and who had to be protected against learning the truth) will also be adressed in the original.


End file.
